• Facebook
  • YouTube
  • Pinterest
  • Instagram
  • RSS
Subscribe
Editorial Gold

Monterey Bay Parent

Design Gold
Read The Current Issue
MenuClose
  • Things To Do
    • Activities & Sports
    • Family Fun
    • Monterey Bay Aquarium
    • 250 Things to Do in California: The Complete Family Guide
    • Travel
    • Monterey County Neighborhood Guide
  • Events
  • Family
    • Health & Wellness
    • Home & Garden
    • Local News
    • Parenting
    • Cover Kids
    • Birthday Club
    • Military Families
  • Issues
  • Education
    • Back to School Expo
    • Education Directory
  • Camp
    • Camp Directory
    • Summer Fun and Camp Expo
  • Holidays
    • Birthdays
    • Christmas & Hanukkah
    • Easter
    • Fall Fun & Halloween
    • Thanksgiving
    • Valentine’s Day
  • More
    • About Us
    • Contact Us
    • Advertising Info
    • Our Current Issue
    • Family Favorites
    • Cover Kids
  • Search
Monterey Bay Parent » teens » Page 2

Resilience: One of the Foundations of Mental health

By Susan Meister | January 25, 2023

Imagine these scenarios:

  • Your teenage daughter comes home in what you perceive as deep distress. The cause: Her best friend has defected to a rival group and is exhibiting disdain.
  • Your teenage son, who has been practicing for months for a place on the varsity soccer team, has just learned he won’t make the team.
  • Your ninth grader has studied hard for his American History final, but instead of getting the ‘A’ he needed to advance to the school’s AP program, he gets an entirely unexpected ‘B .’His hopes for getting into the program are dashed for another school year.


These are not uncommon scenarios confronting parents: your kids are suffering, and you feel helpless. Mainly you want to relieve their suffering, so your inclination is to step in and solve their problem–even though you know you can’t. Worse, teenagers are famously reluctant to admit weakness, and because they have an outsized need for privacy, they will likely decline to share the details with you. So you can only hope that they can bounce back from their distress and carry on.

Resilience is often defined as the ability to overcome difficult circumstances, especially those you can’t control. It is that, but it involves more. Being resilient is also confidence that you can deal successfully with future challenges, no matter how daunting. In other words, without necessarily using the term, you hope they are resilient.

In the end, how challenges are handled determines how rewarding our lives will be– and even the lives of those close to us. Positively dealing with failure is important because disappointments and losses will always occur. Life is not fair. Learning to cope with inevitable adversity with confidence is a key marker of resilience.

The good news is that resilience is a skill that parents can model and teach their children. Krista Reuther, Assistant Director of Ohana Community Health and Prevention, who leads a team that periodically holds workshops on adolescent behavioral health (see note below), says, “While the goal of resilience is to face adversity successfully, it is also to learn about oneself and what works in dealing with it. For teenagers, resilience adds to self-confidence and awareness of what they can handle.” That confidence is at the core of managing life successfully.

How Parents Can Help Build Resilience

Helping to develop resilience in your children starts early with a loving relationship, providing a fund of support that children know they can count on. When that high level of trust is established, it is easier for them to talk about their problems, knowing they will be heard and not lectured. Like most of us, teenagers don’t want difficulties to be solved for them; they want the knowledge and confidence to solve those difficulties themselves. Ask yourself how you deal with problems that arise. Children, being acute observers of how parents react to adverse circumstances, are watching. Parents who address difficulties appropriate for family discussion by calmly talking them through, analyzing the key issues involved, then devising possible solutions serve as examples to kids of how they might address their challenges. It is a model they can emulate.

There are skills that experts counsel parents to encourage:

1. Self-compassion. Teenagers are often quick to blame themselves for setbacks, automatically reverting to an assumption that these setbacks are because of who they are–a person who falls short of their own expectations. A more productive view–and worthy of frequent messaging–is that sometimes bad things happen, and being kind to yourself when they do is much more helpful.

Self-compassion is a significant building block of resilience. It leads the ninth grader who didn’t do as well as he wanted on his history exam to tell himself that next time he will do better. Or the boy who didn’t make the soccer team being hopeful that he can make the team in the future if he works closely with the coach. They both recognize their sadness in not achieving their goals, but they don’t blame themselves for some deficiency that saps their sense of self.

2. Empathy. Quality relationships are built on empathy. Empathy is a quality that receives great appreciation from others, leading to a higher self-esteem level. It may be rare for teenagers to exhibit it unless they are encouraged to develop it, so modeling is important. The parent who contributes food for the disadvantaged, takes in pets who need homes, or spends time with an elderly neighbor provide an example that can be appreciated and emulated in a teenager’s life. Helping others is a mark of the ability to nurture strong relationships, and there is no group in greater need of strong relationships than teenagers.

3. Self-care. It may not seem obvious that being physically strong is essential to developing resilience, but inadequate sleep, poor nutrition, and lack of exercise can lead to negativity and even depression. Learning and maintaining good physical health habits in adolescence can serve one throughout life,. According to Krista Reuther, it is one of the most overlooked aspects of developing resilience.”Healthy bodies, as much as healthy habits of mind, are essential to resilience.”

4. Framing a positive view. Being positive does not mean ignoring reality–one cannot sugarcoat disappointment –but a positive outlook puts things in perspective–something teenagers often don’t know how to do. Optimistic people have been shown to live longer and maintain stronger relationships. This is especially  especially important in adolescence when teens need those relationships to develop socially and emotionally.

5. Developing the ability to problem-solve. Talking through problems helps kids to see them more clearly and to arrive at solutions collaboratively. Sometimes teens can’t see beyond an immediate problem and may even need help discovering what is bothering them. The cause of their upset may not be immediately obvious, but they can take the lead in proposing solutions once identified. Self-confidence is reinforced when their own solution is successfully put into practice. At the same time, calling on teenagers to problem-solve signals that you trust them to manage their problems. This builds self-confidence,

There has been a significant increase in mental disorders between 2016 and 2020, and although Covid-19 has been named as a major factor, social media and its pressures are surely another. It has been reported that half of all lifetime mental disorders begin by age 14; one in four adolescents experience a mental health issue to the point of serious impairment. All of these challenges make developing a strong, loving relationship with your children imperative for their future well-being and your family dynamic in general. Recognizing how important the life-long skill of resilience is, now is the time to commit to the steps necessary to build it in your children.

As many have said, one’s reaction to adversity, not adversity itself, determines how one’s life story develops. The earlier one can learn resilience, the earlier that successful life story begins.


Susan Meister is a journalist, columnist, and community activist  living in Pebble Beach. Susan’s writing was recognized with the 2020 Bronze Award for service writing from the Parenting Media Association.

Filed Under: Health & Wellness, High School & Beyond Tagged With: mental health, teens

Could Camp Counselor be the Perfect Job for Your Teen?

By Monterey Bay Staff | January 25, 2023

Did your teenager love summer camp as a child? Does he or she need a job but can’t work during the school year because of homework and activities? Day or sleepaway camp is the perfect place for teens to transition to the world of the employed. The paycheck is nice, but being a camp counselor has other rewards, too.

The Gift of Responsibility

Camp is an ideal place to build accountability because teens are in charge of other kids or activities, but they are still being supervised. If they work at a sleepaway camp, they must keep their cabin quarters neat and guide younger children to do the same. If they work at a day camp, they must show up on time, care for children and lead activities. Working at camp is fun, but it also gives teens a glimpse into the adult world with the guidance they still need.

The Opportunity to Be a Role Model

Do you remember a teen you looked up to when you were a kid at camp? Maybe he or she helped you perfect your back stroke, taught you how to throw a curve ball or gave the perfect advice for dealing with disagreements between friends. Teens can connect to kids in ways that adults can’t, and when teens work at camp, they experience the fulfillment of helping younger kids develop new skills.

Refined Relationship Skills

From fun-centered sports competitions between rival teams to getting chores done for inspection, counselors and campers have to work together. Being able to do this teaches teens to hone their communication and interpersonal relationship skills.

Improved Time Management Skills

Teen counselors have to be on time to meals, the morning meeting at the flag pole, and the activities they lead. They’re also responsible for gently prodding their campers to be punctual. If they are in charge of a lesson or craft, they must make sure they have all the supplies ready and set up on time. These time-management lessons will benefit them as they enter college and the work place.


It’s not too early for your teen to start looking for a summer camp job. Local camps want to have their staff in place as soon as possible. Plus, they may need help for spring break camps. Start the hunt by using our summer camp directory.



Preparation for College

If your teen works at a sleep away camp, he or she may get a taste of what college life is like. He or she will be responsible for meals, getting up on time or using a coin laundry. Also being away from home for an extended period of time for the first time can take some adjusting to and it can create some homesickness. Teen camp counselors have experienced these feelings and dealt with them before they go to college.

A Chance to Share Talents and Skills

Is your teen an athlete? An artist? A nature enthusiast? Camp is an ideal place for teens to share strengths. I served as a camp counselor when I was in college, and it was the first time I realized I had a knack for teaching kids. It was the gateway to me becoming a teacher, even though I was a journalism student at the time. Camp introduces teens to opportunities that maybe they hadn’t considered. It builds confidence and opens doors to future careers.

Resume Building

Working at camp is great experience to put on a resume when your teen is ready to enter the adult world of work. Camp experience is beneficial if your teen wants to teach or coach, but working at camp also builds communication, collaboration and problem-solving skills, all worthy resume additions that may catch a future employer’s interest.

A New Appreciation for You

Being a teen counselor is indeed hard work. It involves stamina, patience and responsibility. Oh, and teen counselors must also teach, guide and care for children younger than themselves. It sounds a teeny bit like parenting, right? Teens who are camp counselors may begin to recognize how hard parenting is. With that recognition, they may have a new appreciation for all their parents do by the end of the summer.

Being a camp counselor is a great start for teens who want to join the world of work. If your teen is interested in being a camp counselor, you can find more information at the American Camp Association website at www.acacamps.org/staff-professionals/job-center.


Janeen Lewis is a writer, teacher, and mom to Andrew and Gracie. Her summer as a camp counselor gave her invaluable skills for adulthood.

Filed Under: High School & Beyond Tagged With: summer camp, summer camp 2023, teens

Creative Gifts for Teens

By Monterey Bay Staff | January 25, 2023

You’re invited to a sweet 16 party, a quiceañera, or a bar mitzvah and you want to bring a unique gift. Or maybe you need a special gift for your own teen. Here are some ideas for teens that they’re sure to appreciate. All are available on uncommongoods.com and were in stock as of press time.

BUBBLE WRAP CALENDAR. Very few things in life are as satisfying as popping bubble wrap. So why shouldn’t you partake it in it more often? How about every day? This clever poster-size calendar allows you to do just that. Each day of the year has a bubble to pop. All days of the week and U.S. holidays are marked for quick reference.  $25.

CUSTOM TYPEWRITTEN NOTE CANDLE. Give the gift of scent and add your own sentiment to it: your note (up to 100 characters) will be hand-typed on a vintage Brother typewriter and attached directly to the candle as its label. $36.

CUSTOM PAINT-BY-NUMBER KIT. Almost every teen has a phone filled with special photos. Pick a favorite and have it turned into a paint-by-number kit. The kit includes a white linen canvas printed with the numbered image, three brushes, and acrylic paints chosen specifically to re-create the photo. $85-100 depending on size

MISSION TO MINDFULNESS MARS ZEN GARDEN. The stressed out student in your life can take a moment to unwind on the tranquil Martian surface.  Features a resin tray, a bag of red sand, four lava rocks, an astronaut figurine, a Martian rover, and a copper-finish rake tool. $40.

PICKLEBALL PADDLE TOTE BAG. Are you buying for a pickleball fan? Carry all the essentials in these colorful, versatile bags. Each roomy bag comes with a removable shoulder strap and can carry up to two paddles, two water bottles, shoes, clothes, and towels. There’s even an extra interior pocket for cell phones and keys. $100.

QUOTES BY ICONIC WOMEN SWEATSHIRT. Is the teen you’re gifting socially conscious? They will appreciate a sweatshirt featuring the screen-printed image of an iconic woman with one of her motivating quotes. Choose from Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Angela Davia, and Michelle Obama. $68.

TIE DYE DIY KIT. Are you buying for a crafty teen? This well-stocked kit gives the recipient all the tools needed to create sensational patterns in custom shades. Transform the included 100% cotton squares into colorful bandanas, hair accessories, reusable gift wrap, and more. $38.

Filed Under: High School & Beyond, Holidays Tagged With: birthday, gifts, teens

Bar and Bat Mitzvah 101

By Monterey Bay Staff | January 25, 2023

If you or your child is invited to a bar or bat mitzvah, you may be wondering what it’s all about. Here are the basics to help you participate in this special event.

Becoming a bar, bat, or “b” mitzvah is one of the most exciting times in a Jewish teen’s life. To the teen, it means, “I’m an adult!” While that’s true, there are parameters around the scope of this new status.

The word bar is Aramaic and means son. Bat (pronounced “baht”) is a Hebrew word that means daughter. In recent years, non-binary individuals have adopted “b” in front of the word mitzvah (pronounced “meets-vah”). Mitzvah means “commandment,” yet it is commonly considered “a good deed.” Bar and bat mitzvah means “son and daughter of the commandment.” They also name this Jewish lifecycle event and ceremony.

The bar, bat, or b mitzvah milestone marks when a Jewish teen, typically at age 13, transitions from childhood to adulthood, but Jewish people at any age can study for this rite of passage—once achieved, in addition to being obligated to observe the commandments, a bar, bat, or b mitzvah can participate in certain rituals.

Preparation

Becoming an adult in the Jewish tradition is demonstrated by taking on more responsibilities—at home and within the Jewish and greater communities—and taking responsibility for one’s actions. This begins with one’s preparation for their ceremony in which they will lead their congregation in a Sabbath morning service and read a specific weekly section from the Torah, called a Torah portion.

The word Torah can mean different things in different contexts. It is a handwritten scroll without vowels by a specially trained scribe who uses a quill pen to write on parchment, which is fastened between two wooden rollers. One of the meanings of the Hebrew word Torah is “instruction or direction.” Narrowly, Torah refers to the Five Books of Moses and, broadly, to the entire body of Jewish teaching.

To prepare, a child begins learning prayerbook Hebrew about four years in advance with weekly lessons at their temple or synagogue. Studies start with learning the aleph-bet, or Hebrew alphabet, and the symbols that indicate the vowels. Gradually, students learn to read and sing many of the prayers found in the Sabbath prayerbook.

In their last year of studies, students learn to read and chant from the Torah. Chanting is complex and challenging, and training is done with an individual who has studied Hebrew for many years, is skilled in chanting Torah, and knows how to teach the melodies indicated by trope or notation marks among the letters in the Torah.

Making a Difference

Jewish tradition teaches that Jews must take an active role in tikkun olam (pronounced “tee-kuhn o-lahm”), repairing the world. Similar to a capstone project but on a much smaller scale, in some congregations, a child chooses a “mitzvah project.” A child demonstrates their commitment to living as a Jewish adult by helping those less fortunate. This connects their Jewish learning and values to actions that make a difference in others’ lives.

Projects stem from the child’s desire to make a difference for others and are aligned with a Jewish value such as feeding those who are hungry, caring for those who are ill, acts of loving kindness, making peace in the home, caring for the Earth, and saving a life. Students research a need in their community, plan, gather donations and recruit volunteers, and follow through to facilitate changing a life or the environment in some meaningful way.

A child’s diligent efforts to become a bar, bat, or b mitzvah through study, learning, and putting into practice their Jewish values earn them the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of a Jewish adult. This is something to celebrate!


WENDY J. ROSENTHAL is a writer, credentialed educator and tutor, and solopreneur of a boutique marketing company. She is certified in Youth Mental Health First Aid and is the parent of two teen boys. She and her children reside in Salinas.

Filed Under: Holidays Tagged With: Bar mitzvah, Bat mitzvah, Jewish, religion, teens

The Fight Against Vaping: What Monterey County parents need to know

By Susan Meister | September 23, 2022

If there was ever a universal villain in modern American life, it might be Big Tobacco. Despite legal restrictions on smoking in public spaces, a vigorous public health campaign, higher taxes on cigarettes, and global recognition that smoking is not just a habit but is addictive in ways similar to drugs like heroin and cocaine, the tobacco industry has remained profitable. Despite federal regulations restricting the marketing of cigarettes and a decline in the number of smokers ( from 20 percent in 2005 to 12.5 percent in 2020), lung cancer is still the leading cause of death in the United States. 

One way it has done so is by targeting children as young as middle school with products designed to draw them in as customers. “Vaping”–the practice of inhaling a vapor containing nicotine and flavoring via the e-cigarette–has put a new generation at risk. For obvious reasons, the industry does not promulgate the science-based information that e-cigarettes are just as addictive as conventional cigarettes. The devices, small and easily concealable, some shaped to resemble familiar USB drives, and often colorfully designed and displayed, come in candy-like flavors that researchers know are particularly attractive to youth. According to Truth Initiative, an organization specializing in tracking such figures, 97 percent of adolescents use flavored products, and most choose flavored tobacco as their first and, after that, preferred choice. E-cigarettes are so popular that in 2019, 5.2 million young people nationally used them, 27.5 percent of high school students, and 10.5 percent of middle school students. Between 2019-2020, their use among high school students increased by 100 percent.

This surge has occurred in the wake of scientific evidence that nicotine exposure during adolescence is dangerous to developing brains. Studies have shown that it can impact learning, memory, and attention. It can even increase the risk of future addiction to other drugs by seven or eight times. In addition, the vapors of flavored nicotine through e-cigarettes can expose users to harmful substances such as heavy metals and salts that, in ultrafine particles, are inhaled deeply into the lungs and present other grave dangers.

The industry cites existing federal restrictions on the marketing and selling tobacco products to minors as a sufficient safeguard. Such restrictions first appeared in 2009, and many refinements followed. Yet, all of them have failed in the same way that restricting the sale of alcohol to minors has failed, as everyone who has ever been to a fraternity house or a prom party knows full well. Arguments focusing on the legal restraint against selling tobacco products to pre-teens and teenagers are a distraction. Kids can acquire them easily by buying them from a store or online, buying them from friends, or giving someone of legal age money to purchase them.

The FDA has attempted to regulate electronic nicotine delivery products, issuing marketing denial orders for more than one million applicants. The agency maintains it is close to making decisions on even more applications for products that could account for a significant part of the market. They maintain that their pre-market evaluation of these products will be rigorous, given the fact that e-cigarettes are the most commonly used tobacco product used by young people in the U.S. Still, the outcome will likely be the same: even stricter federal restrictions are not the answer to keeping these products out of their hands. For example, regulations in place contain a loophole prohibiting the sale of fruit, mint, and other sweet flavors in refillable cartridges but exempting all flavors sold in devices that cannot be refilled. When this particular loophole was created in 2021, teenagers caught on fast. They switched to brands that are disposable but which often have a higher nicotine level than the original refillable types.

Another loophole was soon discovered by the tobacco companies: the “concept flavor.” Instead of specific flavors, like mint or apple or berry, new products became available in “concept” flavors such as “Clear and Lush Ice” or “Purple Swish” or “Diamonds” so that specific flavors that might be prohibited were not identified as such. The concept flavors make it difficult for enforcement agencies to determine whether or not a tobacco product meets the legal barriers that a flavored tobacco product would, and anyone challenging it could spend years in court with a well-financed adversary.

Local ordinances entered the regulatory picture because federal restrictions were not presenting a significant barrier. Monterey County was among them.

In January 2020, Pacific Grove became the first local jurisdiction to prohibit the sale of flavored tobacco products, recognizing that “there is increasing evidence that they contain a large amount of nicotine salts that may be responsible for increasing nicotine addiction among youth.” Michelle House, a county public health official, said in a news article that  “We know our children use flavored tobacco to initiate their experience into the world of tobacco.” The Health Department’s tobacco control division began reaching out to other cities in the county to see if any had to interest in banning flavored tobacco.

In March 2022, the Monterey County Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to finalize a ban on the sale of flavored tobacco and single-use e-cigarettes in unincorporated areas of the county, citing both health and environmental hazards. In August of this year, the city of Monterey passed an ordinance prohibiting the sale of flavored tobacco and flavored vape products. By February 2023, selling these products (except those consumed at a local hookah shop) will be illegal within the city limits.

The California legislature has made an effort to stop the sale of flavored tobacco across the state. Senate Bill 793, sponsored by Senator Jerry Hill ( D-13), proposed to end the sale of candy-flavored tobacco products (with exceptions for hookah tobacco, loose-leaf tobacco, and premium cigars). It received nearly unanimous support from both parties in the legislature. In 2020, Governor Newsom signed it into law. Still, Big Tobacco collected enough signatures to require that it be placed as a referendum measure on the November 2022 ballot, thereby suspending the law until that time.

SB 793 has opposition mainly from a group calling itself The California Fuels & Convenience Alliance, a coalition of Big Tobacco supporters and the Republican Party of California. The opposition described the bill as a “misguided policy that will do more harm than good” and “hurt small business, eliminate tax revenue, and perpetuate dangerous and avoidable police interactions in our communities.” SB 793 will appear on the November 8 ballot as Proposition 31, a “Referendum Challenging a 2020 Law Prohibiting Retail Sale of Certain Flavored Tobacco Products.” To stop the sale of flavored tobacco products, voters will have to check YES. The tobacco companies are hoping people will check NO, misunderstanding the wording in the description. To fortify their opposition, they have so far contributed 21 million dollars to defeat it, most of it coming from RJ Reynolds and Phillip Morris.

For most parents, the choice is easy. Eliminating flavored e-cigarettes from all avenues of sale will protect their children from considerable short- and long-term harm.

In an ironic twist, on September 6, 2022, Juul, one of the major manufacturers of e-cigarettes, settled a multi-state suit that included California for $438.5 million. The suit focused on its sales and marketing practices that fueled the teenage vaping crisis. An investigation found that the company hired young models, used social media to court teenagers, and gave out free samples. Forty-five percent of its customer base were ages 13 to 17.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 42 deaths and 2,141 probable lung injury cases have been associated with using e-cigarettes or vaping as of November 13, 2021.

California voters will be able to have their voices heard on November 8. The supporters of Proposition 31 include the American Cancer Society, the American Lung Association, the American Heart Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, California, the American Cancer Society Action Network, and the PTA.

Former senator Jerry Hill, now a private citizen, has maintained an interest in the passage of this Proposition. He says, “Voting yes will protect the bipartisan progress California has made to protect the health and well-being of the next generations by taking candy-flavored e-cigarettes off store shelves for good.”


Susan Meister is a journalist, columnist, and community activist  living in Pebble Beach. Susan’s writing has been recognized with awards for service writing and news feature writing from the Parenting Media Association.

Filed Under: Health & Wellness, High School & Beyond, Parenting Tagged With: health, midterm elections, teens, tobacco, vaping

How to Support Your New Teen Driver

By Monterey Bay Staff | January 29, 2022

“You’re going to hit the car in front of us!” I shouted at my 16-year-old son as I tried to slam on the imaginary brake from the passenger side of the car.

As the parent of twin teens, my fear of my kids being in an accident is justified. According to the CDC, almost 2,400 teens were killed in 2019 and around 258,000 were treated in emergency rooms that year for injuries sustained in car accidents. In fact, automobile accidents are the leading cause of death for teenagers and one study reports that teens are most likely to get in an accident during the first three months after getting their driver’s license.

It’s hard not to have these scary statistics in your head when you have a young driver behind the wheel.

I don’t like roller coasters or any other type of thrill ride, so teaching two teenagers how to drive has been a challenging experience. The pandemic has also made it difficult for new drivers to schedule drive time in driving schools—which leaves most of the teaching to parents who may not be ready for the challenge.

So how should parents handle this daunting responsibility, especially when parent-teen relationships are often fraught with conflict?

  “Parents need to meditate first and then cover their mouth with their hand while in the car with their teen,” says Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

Even though she was joking, there is some truth to the fact that parents are often too critical of their teens while driving—myself included. Since Markham offered this advice, I’ve actually physically put my hand over my mouth to remind myself that I don’t always need to voice my feedback.

Before your teen gets behind the wheel for a driving lesson, Dr. Markham recommends the following suggestions:

1. Remember how it feels to be a new driver. Markham offers this reminder: You learned to drive and so will your child. You may not remember much about the experience, but try to recall how it felt and what you found helpful (or not).

2. Stay calm. “The calmest parent should be the one who teaches the child,” says Markham. If you are anxious or stressed, you will be more likely to yell—which will only make your teen more anxious about the experience. If you are calm, it will help your teen feel calmer and increase their self-confidence, which means they will be more focused on driving.

3. Review the rules. “Before you get in the car, review basic safety guidelines with your child,” says Markham. Instead of lecturing, highlight why the rules exist and ask questions to reinforce what they already know. This quick review will help build their confidence for the driving lesson ahead.

4. Save the advice for later. “Do not give your child feedback while they are driving a moving vehicle,” Markham recommends. Before your teen gets behind the wheel, let them know that you will wait to discuss their driving experience until the car is parked. This will reassure your teen that they can focus on driving without interruptions. Of course, if it’s a matter of safety, speak up—calmly.

5. Keep your eye on the horizon. You don’t want your teen to think you don’t have confidence in their ability to drive, so the less you say in the moment, the better. But even with the best intentions, there still might be times when you slam on the imaginary brake, grab the side of the car or even yell. “If you aren’t able to stay calm, no shame, no blame, it’s understandable,” says Markham. But, if this does happen, do you best to calm yourself down and apologize to your teen for your behavior.

I’m happy to say that my teens got their driver’s licenses last week. And even though I’m no longer sitting in the passenger seat teaching them to drive, I still check in with them to answer any questions and support their newfound freedom. There were times with the road was bumpier than I would have liked, but I’m grateful we made the best of the journey!

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. You can find her at Twitter @CherylMaguire05.

Filed Under: High School & Beyond, Parenting Tagged With: driving, teens

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Next Page »

The Weekend Roundup

Every Thursday: the best family-friendly events around Monterey Bay, hand-picked for the upcoming weekend.

Name(Required)

Upcoming Events

Notice
There are no upcoming events.

View CalendarAdd Events

Sign up to be a Monterey Bay Parent insider.

You’ll receive a weekly event newsletter, be first to see our monthly issue, and get advance notice of contests, events, and more. It’s all free, of course.

Name(Required)
Parenting OC
  • Facebook
  • YouTube
  • Pinterest
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Issues
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and Conditions

© Copyright 2026 Monterey Bay Parent. All rights reserved.

Website Design & Development by Guido Media

Close
Search Our Website
Close
Get Our Summer Fun Guide!

Fill out the form below and we'll send it to your email.