resolutions Archives - Monterey Bay Parent

Commitments Rather Than Resolutions This Year!

By Ryan Pierce | December 29, 2025

Social etiquette quiz: How far into January can you wish others a “Happy New Year”?

Some, like Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry David, put the greeting’s statute of limitations at three days. “And by the way,” he adds, “everything doesn’t have to be happy.”

While I often agree with Larry on life’s trivial matters, I fall into the other camp here. I really need all of January to make the full transition. It’s going to take me until June to write the date correctly, so I think I should get some flexibility on the New Year’s cheer. I like the idea of starting fresh—celebrating another year that was and learning from the mistakes I’ve inevitably made over the past 12 months (side hustle of reselling Labubus on eBay included).

What I really struggle with, though, are resolutions. Rigid mandates tied to fundamental behavior changes during high-stress times of the year don’t generally produce the results we’re looking for—but I might be wrong. Listen, I’m all about improving and becoming a better version of myself, working toward healthier routines and lifestyles. I’ve stressed over SMART goals, gotten sick going cold turkey, and opted out of more seven-day free trials than I’d like to admit. Despite the best efforts of my inbox and social media feeds, I’m retiring resolutions for good.

PUT THE PHONE DOWN

No surprise here. These pocket parasites consume us, both for better and worse. Our lives are managed and controlled through a few taps and swipes, and these incredibly powerful tools let us email our boss, order dinner, and find the closest bathroom for my six-year-old who just drank her weight in apple juice. But they’re also addictive—constantly fighting for our attention with pings, notifications, and alerts that actually keep us more disconnected from real life.

I used to live the untethered life, not needing every sports score or news update, and that was cool. And frankly, a little less stressful. My kids understand phones are part of life, but I have to show them there’s more fun stuff to do off the screen.

LET KIDS BE KIDS

My biggest flaw: I forget my kids are kids. Because they can walk, talk, and sort of put on their own clothes, I assume they can also reason, analyze, and make responsible (read: dad-approved) decisions. If anything, I need to be a safety net for them—giving them the ability to mess up and understand it’s all OK.

I’ve realized that making mistakes has taught me far more about life than medals or awards. I don’t have many of either, but I’d imagine that’s the case. I can’t sweat the small stuff, whether or not it takes me 25 minutes and two rolls of paper towels to clean up.

BE PATIENT

The concept of time really changes as a parent. Where I once controlled my daily schedule through time-management skills and realistic expectations, I now must ride the whims of toddlers and soon-to-be tweens who want just one more Bluey episode or one more scooter lap in the driveway before we head off to school.

A simple task becomes five times longer than it should be, and it takes every ounce of me not to take over and move on to the next step. I struggle with this every day, but that feeling when they finally figure something out? Total dad pride.

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING

As time goes on, I realize that the little moments in life—car rides to school, shooting hoops in the driveway, trying to unwind my daughter’s hair from the axle of a Thomas the Train toy—are where the real magic happens. Too often, I focus on the destination, stressing over the details and detours of the journey.

It turns out my favorite memories aren’t the posed photos or scripted Saturdays—they’re the in-between snapshots that make me smile. What it mostly amounts to is taking nothing for granted, eac0h and every day. How do I do that? I have no idea—but wish me luck.

It’s Time to Connect!

By Monterey Bay Parent Editors | December 27, 2022

In the post-holiday rush, I always find it difficult to do much beyond work. The catch-up period that follows the holiday break feels like almost as much of a tradition as the holidays themselves. We’re all pretty used to it–which is a problem.

It’s too easy to jump back on life’s treadmill. And while the New Year’s resolution has become a marketing gimmick (gym memberships?), that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth reflecting on how (and how often) your family spends time together and considering ways to get more face-to-face time.

If you’d like to see more of your loved ones this year, here are some ideas for turning text exchanges into time together.

1. Think Small & Stay Consistent. It’s easy to decide to make many changes with the arrival of a new year…and incredibly hard to sustain those changes for any meaningful length of time (again, gym memberships?). It’s also hard, especially as kids get older, to institute a new form of family togetherness that doesn’t feel manufactured. This is natural, of course. The idea of forcing a teenager to do anything family-oriented can be daunting.

If you want to spend more time together as a family, remember that it’s supposed to be enjoyable. The best approach depends on the ages and nature of your family, but doing something small is often a good strategy. What’s the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

2. Stay Away From the Weekend. The weekend might seem the logical place to implement family time. Depending on the ages of your children, it can be trickier than you think.

Once kids are a little older, classes and activities can fill the weekends. A regular family activity that works when your family is younger such as Sunday dinner together as a family may start getting skipped as kids get older until it’s all but forgotten.

Early in the week can often be the best time to check in as a family. For example, doing a regular Monday night dinner or activity might be the perfect time to check in with your loved ones. Plus, doing something fun can shine a little positivity on the sometimes-dreary start of yet another week.

But if regularly scheduled events aren’t in the cards for your busy family, there’s no reason you can’t reinforce the human-to-human connection in other ways.

3. Call, Don’t Text. A good friend of mine hates (hates!) texting, claiming that it has chipped away at human-to-human connection. More often than not, I can send him a text, count to ten, and before I hit “seven,” the phone is ringing.

It can seem a little silly to dial up your spouse instead of tapping out a quick “Get milk on the way home,” but we’re wired to communicate verbally. We all know that texting and driving isn’t a great idea, so take advantage of your legally mandated hands-free device and start making more phone calls to your family. Like the above, think small. Maybe replace one text a day or a week with a phone call.

4. Play Hooky. The principal of the school I previously worked at once told me that she and her husband would plan a day every year to randomly pull their kids from school and do a family activity to a museum, theme park, or other destination. The element of surprise can be a powerful one. If you can’t make weekly family time happen, go for the sneak attack.

5. Share a Book. This one can be either a huge success or a massive failure. I’ve seen it go both ways, but reading the same book simultaneously can provide a point of reference and discussion if you have older kids. Plus, it can be done around everyone’s schedule.

6. Start a Photo Album. Many families and friend groups have ongoing chat threads that span weeks, months, or even years. With modern smartphones, it has become common to ping photos back and forth without a second thought. Creating a digital photo album is a great place to share photos regularly, plus it creates a natural digital story that can be looked back on. Try setting a personal goal of (think small!) 1-2 photos a week. Tell your family about your intentions, but don’t turn it into a homework assignment.

7. Daily Tradition. I recently got my mother hooked on Wordle after showing her the game on a whim. Now, not a morning goes by that I don’t wake up to a text waiting for me with her daily puzzle score. Moreover, it’s naturally evolved into a family-wide thing (except for my spelling-impaired engineer father). Sometimes, things stick best when we aren’t trying to get them to stick. There are tons of shareable games out there, and if you can find the right one, it can be a nice way to maintain a connection with members of your extended family.

Originally from New England, Matt Desenberg is a writer living in Monterey.

Shaping a Generation

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | December 27, 2022

I recently read an article about Generation Z and became curious if my daughter is part of that generation. According to the Pew Research Center, by being born in 2013, she is part of the “Generation Not Yet Named.” For reference, Pew calls those born between 1997 to 2012 Generation Z, 1981 to 1996 Millenials, 1965 to 1980 is Generation X, and 1946 to 1964 Baby Boomers. I don’t give credence to those broad characterizations of generations, but some common experiences may shape what life is like for them.

The effect of the pandemic

How will being a young child during the Covid-19 pandemic shape my daughter and her peer’s future? Online learning and the isolation from peers may make their attitudes towards face-to-face learning and being with others different than in the past. The focus on washing hands and hygiene may make children more aware of caring for their health. They certainly learned the importance of vaccination. I hope the practice of mask-wearing when one is sick becomes embedded in this generation as a common courtesy (and, frankly, for all generations). I think they will have seen the importance of people working together on a common goal–staying healthy.

Taming Technology?

Will Generation NYN be the ones to tame the technological beast and establish better boundaries around technology? Much has been written about Generation Z’s dependent relationship on technology. Seeing many of my daughter’s elementary student peers bring wearables (e.g., Apple Watches) to school to communicate with parents, play games, and look things up makes me think that their generation won’t be much different. They’ve grown up with their photos easily accessible on social media. They are also likely to be the most remotely monitored with GPS tracking of phones and that wearable technology.

Using technology wisely

At the same time, this generation of NYN should be savvier in harnessing technology to address concerns and communicate on a large scale. I could easily imagine that they might see a pothole in the street, video its discovery, and either shame the city into fixing it or raise the money themselves to have it repaired. Given their early exposure to social media and technology, I don’t think my prediction is far-fetched.

Racial and ethnic diversity

Like previous generations, Generation NYN increases its ethnic and racial diversity. I know that my daughter’s view of others changed when she wrote a story that included boys, girls, and a character who is non-binary. The character’s role in the story is not about their non-binariness–they are simply one of the other kids solving a mystery. That character flowed into her story casually, which is progress, from my perspective as a Generation Xer, of an emerging world of accepting and appreciating others.

Environmental action

Generation NYN is more likely to want environmental action than in the past. These kids have come to expect recycling to occur, are cognizant of waste, and want to protect the environment. They will likely hasten the demise of gas-powered cars. They will continue to grow up with e-bikes and e-scooters to help their commutes and will want efficient public transportation even more. The impact of climate change will be their reality.

New year, new actions

Like most parents, I want my daughter’s generation to experience no wars or strife, have economic prosperity, abundant health, and a clean environment. With the new year, perhaps, I can take a step in the right direction. This year I want to focus more on giving my daughter the experiences that can shape her and maybe spread to others in her generation. If I want her to appreciate the environment, I need to get her outside more. If I want her to unplug from technology, I must let go of the electronic babysitters and engage more. If I want her to care about others, I may have to find her more giving experiences through volunteerism. If I want her to recognize the richness of diversity, I have to take her to activities and events where she can learn new customs and perspectives. The investment we parents make now can help the kids shape their generation into being better than in the past.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE, is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay, and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.

Father’s Day: My Dad Resolutions for 2020

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | December 30, 2019

As a new year begins, I start thinking about resolutions. Making concerted efforts to achieve self-improvement goals appeals to me. In the past, I gave up drinking soda for a year. Another year, I gave up watching TV. Over several years, I have set out vague goals to exercise more, with limited success, as the treadmill continues to serve as a clothes hanger. Rarely, however, have I thought about resolutions as a father.

I believe there are ways to improve as a dad, and here are some ideas for dad’s resolutions for 2020.

1. Be more present. This is my focus for 2020. Nowadays, I think many parents and adults don’t have time management challenges–it is attention management. There are far too many times when I am home, but my face is in front of a screen doing something else. So, although I am physically present, I am not there. And, this carries over to family time, where I am checking email or social media instead of watching the dance routine my daughter has created or coloring with her because she wants company. For the next year, I am making a conscious effort to be present when I am with my family.

2. Spend more one-on-one time. Many dads don’t have opportunities to spend time alone–without their partners–with their children. I also am guilty of this. It is easy for dads to cede parental duties in the presence of moms, but this results in the father-child relationship being through mom. If we want to know what is happening in our children’s lives, then we have to build the trusting, communicative relationships to allow that to occur. That can only occur when dads are with kids on their own because the focus of parenting at that time becomes you, the dad. Kids get the opportunity to know what we are like as people and how we are there for them when we are the sole parent.

3. Take time for yourself. Among work, raising kids, and just keeping the household functioning, there is rarely personal time for dads as individuals. This resolution may seem in contrast to number two, but it isn’t. This action is about finding time to do something that is about you as a person. Some dads retreat into their work as a refuge of the demands from home because work may be predictable and controllable in ways that raising kids is not. Without taking time for yourself, I think that dads can get lost. Taking time for yourself can also include your romantic partner! My wife and I have too few times where we take time on our own away from our daughter to be with one another and live in the adult world. In the next year, I plan to spend some personal time attending to our neglected yard and hiring a babysitter more often.

4. Play more. In our garage, we have all kinds of bats, balls, frisbees, jump ropes, hula hoops, bikes, and, in the house, there are board games and card games. Although we have accumulated these over the years, they are used without regularity. When they are used, it is usually just my daughter or her with a friend for a short time. As a dad, there are just other things that draw my attention, and I don’t think about playing with my kid unless requested. This summer, when it got hot, my daughter wanted to play in the water wiggler (like a sprinkler) in our narrow backyard. My daughter was fine, but she wanted company. At first, I resisted because I didn’t want to get wet, muddy, or cold, but then I thought how often she is going to have the chance to run through the sprinkler comfortably, given our cool climate and with her dad. I obliged, and we had lots of messy fun. If I play with her, she is learning skills as valuable as reading a book. Besides, playing with her is an easy way to incorporate exercise that I often neglect for myself.

5. Yell less. Yup, when I get frustrated with my headstrong, independent daughter, my volume goes up (and up). I don’t like being late, I don’t like being rushed, and I don’t like being defied by a kid. But, these are my issues, not my daughter’s. As a dad, yelling comes easy but is a poor tool to get her to do what I want. I often forget that, in her world, something shiny is a more attractive activity than is brushing your teeth and getting ready for school or other activities. As a kid, she lives in the present and has not absorbed our adult focus on punctuality, work ethic, among different values. So, I am working on keeping myself in check and using other strategies to keep her on track to enjoy the things she wants to do. I don’t want to be a yelling dad–I want to be a loving dad.

Dads, now is the time to think about how over the next year what goals you can set to improve as a parent. Resolutions should be clear and achievable–even the smallest gesture can accumulate and add up to significant impacts in the lives of your children. Let 2020 be the year of a better dad.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty 5-year-old daughter and reside in Marina.