new year Archives - Monterey Bay Parent

Pledges for the New Year

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | December 20, 2024

January always puts me in a reflective mood, thinking about what is to come in the new year. Like many parents, I easily get caught up in the routine of day-to-day shuttling of kids and just keeping the house livable. But I want to utilize the new year to bring about changes in how I am interacting with my daughter. One thing that is known in the research on changing behaviors is that making a pledge and being held accountable helps to achieve that behavior change.

Consider pledging to do the following along with me, we can hold each other accountable!

GET OUTSIDE MORE INTO NATURE. We live in a beautiful area with ready access to the beach, hills, and forests, among other terrain. Everyday, I pass by trails into the forest that look enticing but I have not entered. It is easy to laze about in my free time or have a slow morning on the weekend. Because my daughter has not seen enough of the various state beaches and parks up our coastline and inland, I hope you will join me in pledging to enter into nature more. Kids living here should know the prehistoric-looking Pinnacles National Park and the giant redwoods in Big Basin State Park and m ore, given how close we are.
BETTER SCREEN TIME. I know that there are advocates of no screen time, but I think, this year, I pledge to work for better screen time for my daughter and for me. Better screen time means talking about what is being watched, and it also means sharing what is being watched. This pledge means I watch more inane Disney shows, but we also spend time together talking about what is happening. Better screen time means I get to see what she thinks are funny YouTube shorts and why she thinks they are funny. I also realize there are some great classic movies that she has never seen and that we can enjoy together.
SHARE SCHOOLWORK. At the end of the week, my wife and I get a pile of papers and are told, “These are for you to look at.” I dutifully look at them and see the check mark, happy face, or minus and a number and promptly recycle them. Sometimes I ask a question about an answer or two, but otherwise, that is the extent of the interaction with schoolwork. I now recognize that this is not enough of a full understanding of what my child’s life is like. I have forgotten to stop and ask her about her working life (at school). I am now pledging to ask her more about what she struggled with or the strategy she used to solve the problem. I am pledging to ask about the spelling words that seemed tricky or those that were easy to remember. Just like I share what happens with my day or what I am working on, I am pledging to get my daughter to talk more about her schoolwork in order to learn more of how she is tackling challenges.
ACKNOWLEDGE INCONVENIENCE AND INTERRUPTION. There are days where the chaos and disorder of things in our living space get to me. I go around picking things up and putting them into their places. Given that a significant portion of the disarray is the outcome of a child beginning and stopping activities as they do, I have to solicit my daughter’s assistance, and sometimes, with forceful coercion. This activity happens at the time I want to straighten things up. Straightening up is never a chosen activity for my daughter and so there is lots of drama around putting away her own stuff. However, I have come to realize that when this happens, I never really acknowledge that cleaning up is inconvenient for her and interrupts her activity. I am guessing that other parents have had similar experiences. So in order to hopefully quell the resistance, I am pledging to acknowledge that my need to straighten up indeed intrudes into her world. Hopefully, by doing so, the drama will subside and the task will get accomplished faster.
SAY NO TO GIVEAWAYS. We go to all kinds of public events and festivals. At most of these, there are booths of organizations bringing awareness to what they do by giving away pencils, stickers, and all kinds of plastic trinkets that appeal to children. Most of the time, these items end up in a bin or a drawer, ultimately to be thrown away. We have enough pencils for several years of schooling and lots of bouncy balls. So for this year, I am pledging to work in concert with my daughter to politely decline those items that she won’t really use. Stickers she likes to put onto her water bottle right away, yes! Other items that have no immediate utility, no thank you. We are working on not keeping things to use for later and living with things we use for now.

There is little time to focus on making changes in relationships and in the family. The new year opens that opportunity by helping us think about how the year can unfold. I am putting some pledges to change out there; how about you?

Father’s Day: My Dad Resolutions for 2020

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | December 30, 2019

As a new year begins, I start thinking about resolutions. Making concerted efforts to achieve self-improvement goals appeals to me. In the past, I gave up drinking soda for a year. Another year, I gave up watching TV. Over several years, I have set out vague goals to exercise more, with limited success, as the treadmill continues to serve as a clothes hanger. Rarely, however, have I thought about resolutions as a father.

I believe there are ways to improve as a dad, and here are some ideas for dad’s resolutions for 2020.

1. Be more present. This is my focus for 2020. Nowadays, I think many parents and adults don’t have time management challenges–it is attention management. There are far too many times when I am home, but my face is in front of a screen doing something else. So, although I am physically present, I am not there. And, this carries over to family time, where I am checking email or social media instead of watching the dance routine my daughter has created or coloring with her because she wants company. For the next year, I am making a conscious effort to be present when I am with my family.

2. Spend more one-on-one time. Many dads don’t have opportunities to spend time alone–without their partners–with their children. I also am guilty of this. It is easy for dads to cede parental duties in the presence of moms, but this results in the father-child relationship being through mom. If we want to know what is happening in our children’s lives, then we have to build the trusting, communicative relationships to allow that to occur. That can only occur when dads are with kids on their own because the focus of parenting at that time becomes you, the dad. Kids get the opportunity to know what we are like as people and how we are there for them when we are the sole parent.

3. Take time for yourself. Among work, raising kids, and just keeping the household functioning, there is rarely personal time for dads as individuals. This resolution may seem in contrast to number two, but it isn’t. This action is about finding time to do something that is about you as a person. Some dads retreat into their work as a refuge of the demands from home because work may be predictable and controllable in ways that raising kids is not. Without taking time for yourself, I think that dads can get lost. Taking time for yourself can also include your romantic partner! My wife and I have too few times where we take time on our own away from our daughter to be with one another and live in the adult world. In the next year, I plan to spend some personal time attending to our neglected yard and hiring a babysitter more often.

4. Play more. In our garage, we have all kinds of bats, balls, frisbees, jump ropes, hula hoops, bikes, and, in the house, there are board games and card games. Although we have accumulated these over the years, they are used without regularity. When they are used, it is usually just my daughter or her with a friend for a short time. As a dad, there are just other things that draw my attention, and I don’t think about playing with my kid unless requested. This summer, when it got hot, my daughter wanted to play in the water wiggler (like a sprinkler) in our narrow backyard. My daughter was fine, but she wanted company. At first, I resisted because I didn’t want to get wet, muddy, or cold, but then I thought how often she is going to have the chance to run through the sprinkler comfortably, given our cool climate and with her dad. I obliged, and we had lots of messy fun. If I play with her, she is learning skills as valuable as reading a book. Besides, playing with her is an easy way to incorporate exercise that I often neglect for myself.

5. Yell less. Yup, when I get frustrated with my headstrong, independent daughter, my volume goes up (and up). I don’t like being late, I don’t like being rushed, and I don’t like being defied by a kid. But, these are my issues, not my daughter’s. As a dad, yelling comes easy but is a poor tool to get her to do what I want. I often forget that, in her world, something shiny is a more attractive activity than is brushing your teeth and getting ready for school or other activities. As a kid, she lives in the present and has not absorbed our adult focus on punctuality, work ethic, among different values. So, I am working on keeping myself in check and using other strategies to keep her on track to enjoy the things she wants to do. I don’t want to be a yelling dad–I want to be a loving dad.

Dads, now is the time to think about how over the next year what goals you can set to improve as a parent. Resolutions should be clear and achievable–even the smallest gesture can accumulate and add up to significant impacts in the lives of your children. Let 2020 be the year of a better dad.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty 5-year-old daughter and reside in Marina.

Year-End Financial Advice for Monterey and Santa Cruz Families

By Monterey Bay Staff | November 19, 2018

Just as you get an annual physical to keep your health in tip-top shape, you should set aside time to go through your finances. This ensures that you are in charge of your money. The earlier in the month you start, the better, so it does not interfere with your holiday festivities. A task as simple as verifying your car and health insurance coverage and making or updating a personal or family budget can make 2019 go much smoother. Before you file your papers away and start to write on your brand new calendar, it is a good idea to go down this quick list and make sure your finances are up to speed.

1. Assess your progress toward your goals. Take a look at where you have been, where you are and where you want to be in the future. “Before the year ends take advantage of any gains or losses that should be recognized within the year,” said Milda Iliscupidez, a financial advisor with Edward Jones in Monterey. Having a power team including an attorney, certified public accountant and financial planner go through your portfolio can make things easier.

2. Contribute to an IRA. You cannot open a joint IRA with your spouse, but you can each open one and claim double the tax deduction. U.S. News & World Report said that those who are not provided with retirement benefits at work could contribute to an IRA regardless of how much they earn. They added that if you are eligible for a traditional pension plan or workplace retirement plan like a 401(k) you can additionally make a tax-deductible contribution to an IRA only if your income falls below specific cutoffs.

3. Contribute to a 529 education savings plan. “A lot of people have family that is far away or do not like to send gifts so contributing to an education savings plan is a wonderful way to show someone how much you care,” said Iliscupidez. It is never too early or too late to give a child’s brain a boost.

4. Review your insurance coverage. Every year your needs change such as if you have paid off your home or just bought one. Go down the checklist of property insurance, auto insurance, health insurance, life insurance, and long-term care insurance. Make sure you are familiar with policy numbers, premiums and customer service numbers.

5. Get your child to start saving. At the holidays make sure it is not just about giving money to your child so he can pick something out at the toy store. Instead, it should be about earning it and teaching a way to save. “Every time there is good behavior, or something deserving of praise put money in a piggy bank so your child understands that things are paid for, and you cannot just write a check or use a credit card,” said Iliscupidez. It helps if you set a goal such as an entertainment system or video game that your child wants and save up to be able to make the purchase.

6. Understand how required minimum distribution works. At the age of 70, if you have a retirement account, you are required by law to take out a certain amount every year. It increases every year, and if you do not take it out, it is taxable by almost 50 percent. It is the second highest tax penalty next to fraud.

7. Pick a charity. You can help homeless animals find forever homes or raise funds for medical research to eradicate a disease. You can also give household items that you no longer use anymore to an organization that distributes to people in need. Fidelity Investments stated that for non-cash charitable contributions over 250 dollars you would need a receipt that includes a description of the item and details.

8. Declutter. Know what to keep and what you can discard. AARP said that there are two general rules. First, anything tax-related should be saved for at least three years, and anything tax-related that reflects a loss should be saved for seven years. For insurance policies, AARP instructed to get rid of old versions when new versions arrive. This helps to avoid confusion. Keep monthly statements until you get year-end reconciliation. When you get rid of papers, shred them to prevent fraud.

9. Create an organization system. You can make this fun and use anything from file cabinets to decorative boxes. Once you master how your system works, you will need to maintain it. You may have a file for incoming bills for example. Put the due date on your calendar, and when you have taken care of it write paid on it.

10. Find a professional you can trust. Forbes named some pros of having a certified financial planner. They described the advantage as having expert management of your portfolio taking into account goals and cash needs and a partner to help you navigate complex financial situations, answer questions as they come up and provide continuous financial planning. They also said the planner could bring peace of mind because you know that a professional is monitoring the market and your portfolio and making needed changes. Of course, you can manage your own money, but some mistakes can be expensive. You may miss out on tax savings opportunities, make poor investment choices or pay hidden fees and not realize it.

Jamie Lober, author of Pink Power (www.getpinkpower.com), is dedicated to providing information on women’s and pediatric health topics. She can be reached at jamie@getpinkpower.com.

Six New Year Activities to Get Your Year Off to a Great Start

By Monterey Bay Staff | December 30, 2017

You’re ready for a new year, a new start! Get the year off to a bang with one or more of our New Year activities. Each of these suggestions helps you make the transition with optimism and purpose. Here’s to the best year yet!

Family Rituals:

Make a Family Vision Board. Sit down with your children and talk about what you all want for the new year. Suggest the kids think about their personal goals plus the ones you’d like to reach as a family. Is this the year you’d like to make that much-anticipated trip to Hawaii? Or, how about something closer to home like having dinner 4 nights a week as a family? Come up with 5 or 6 ideas and then give the kids magazines to flip through. Let them tear out pictures or drawings that illustrate the goals you have chosen as a family. Paste the photos on a 11 x 17 (or any size cardboard that you can easily frame) and have the children decorate the collage. Either frame the vision board or hang as is in a prominent place in your home as a reminder of what you want for the year.
Make space in your life. The first few days of a new year are the perfect time to clear out clutter. Give each family member a large box and have them fill it with items that they no longer need. Make it a game for the kids by challenging them to find 10 items to dispose of and then up the ante to 15 if they succeed. Once everyone has their box filled, go through the items and sort. Toss the truly unusable stuff and then either donate the rest or sell items that might have value. Any money you make can go into a family account that gets used for a special activity chosen by all.
Clean up! Now that you’ve gotten some of the clutter out of the house, it’s time to give it a deep clean. Don’t wait for spring to clean, take a day and do it now. You’ll start the year with a fresh perspective and a clean house! Give the children age-appropriate chores and be sure to have a fun activity planned for the end of the day.

Personal Rituals:

Pick a word for the year. Spend a quiet hour thinking about the year to come and how you’d like it to unfold. If you journal, this is a great time to put your thoughts to paper. Look back over what you’ve written to see if one word jumps out at you. If you’re thinking that this is the year to mend a fractured relationship, spend more time with your friends, and get involved in an activity or two, your word might be “connection.” Find the pattern in what you’d like to see for your year and distill it down to one word. Once you have your word, find a way to incorporate a visual reminder of it into your life. Print it out and frame it to hang in your office, add it to a photo that you use as a screensaver–get creative! When you find yourself floundering, recommit to your word and get yourself back on track.
Resolve to look for ways to give. Resolve this year that you will look for ways to give back–to your family, to friends, to strangers. Spend some time in the first few days of the year thinking about ways you can give of your self, your time, your money and then find a way to remind yourself that it’s a priority for you this year. If you haven’t been volunteering, look for ways to do that. You don’t have to give hours of your time on a consistent basis. There are many organizations with annual events that only need volunteers for a few hours at a time. Or, pick an organization like Meals on Wheels that allows you to volunteer for just an hour or two per week. Your giving doesn’t have to be only about volunteering, look for small ways to add to someone’s day: let another car cut in during a busy commute, put a sweet note in your child’s lunch box, bring a cup of coffee back for a busy co-worker.
Develop an attitude of gratitude. Let this year be the year you develop a gratitude practice. It’s a simple practice with great rewards–just jot down a few things you are grateful for each day. You don’t need to only focus on the big things, this is your chance to pay attention to the little things that happen every day and make life brighter. A perfectly brewed cup of tea, a stranger holding open the door, the sun streaming through the window–these are the little joys that make each day brighter. Resolve to notice them and write them down. With consistent practice, your gratitude will increase and your joy will increase.