Social etiquette quiz: How far into January can you wish others a “Happy New Year”?

Some, like Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Larry David, put the greeting’s statute of limitations at three days. “And by the way,” he adds, “everything doesn’t have to be happy.”

While I often agree with Larry on life’s trivial matters, I fall into the other camp here. I really need all of January to make the full transition. It’s going to take me until June to write the date correctly, so I think I should get some flexibility on the New Year’s cheer. I like the idea of starting fresh—celebrating another year that was and learning from the mistakes I’ve inevitably made over the past 12 months (side hustle of reselling Labubus on eBay included).

What I really struggle with, though, are resolutions. Rigid mandates tied to fundamental behavior changes during high-stress times of the year don’t generally produce the results we’re looking for—but I might be wrong. Listen, I’m all about improving and becoming a better version of myself, working toward healthier routines and lifestyles. I’ve stressed over SMART goals, gotten sick going cold turkey, and opted out of more seven-day free trials than I’d like to admit. Despite the best efforts of my inbox and social media feeds, I’m retiring resolutions for good.

PUT THE PHONE DOWN

No surprise here. These pocket parasites consume us, both for better and worse. Our lives are managed and controlled through a few taps and swipes, and these incredibly powerful tools let us email our boss, order dinner, and find the closest bathroom for my six-year-old who just drank her weight in apple juice. But they’re also addictive—constantly fighting for our attention with pings, notifications, and alerts that actually keep us more disconnected from real life.

I used to live the untethered life, not needing every sports score or news update, and that was cool. And frankly, a little less stressful. My kids understand phones are part of life, but I have to show them there’s more fun stuff to do off the screen.

LET KIDS BE KIDS

My biggest flaw: I forget my kids are kids. Because they can walk, talk, and sort of put on their own clothes, I assume they can also reason, analyze, and make responsible (read: dad-approved) decisions. If anything, I need to be a safety net for them—giving them the ability to mess up and understand it’s all OK.

I’ve realized that making mistakes has taught me far more about life than medals or awards. I don’t have many of either, but I’d imagine that’s the case. I can’t sweat the small stuff, whether or not it takes me 25 minutes and two rolls of paper towels to clean up.

BE PATIENT

The concept of time really changes as a parent. Where I once controlled my daily schedule through time-management skills and realistic expectations, I now must ride the whims of toddlers and soon-to-be tweens who want just one more Bluey episode or one more scooter lap in the driveway before we head off to school.

A simple task becomes five times longer than it should be, and it takes every ounce of me not to take over and move on to the next step. I struggle with this every day, but that feeling when they finally figure something out? Total dad pride.

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING

As time goes on, I realize that the little moments in life—car rides to school, shooting hoops in the driveway, trying to unwind my daughter’s hair from the axle of a Thomas the Train toy—are where the real magic happens. Too often, I focus on the destination, stressing over the details and detours of the journey.

It turns out my favorite memories aren’t the posed photos or scripted Saturdays—they’re the in-between snapshots that make me smile. What it mostly amounts to is taking nothing for granted, eac0h and every day. How do I do that? I have no idea—but wish me luck.

I recently read an article about Generation Z and became curious if my daughter is part of that generation. According to the Pew Research Center, by being born in 2013, she is part of the “Generation Not Yet Named.” For reference, Pew calls those born between 1997 to 2012 Generation Z, 1981 to 1996 Millenials, 1965 to 1980 is Generation X, and 1946 to 1964 Baby Boomers. I don’t give credence to those broad characterizations of generations, but some common experiences may shape what life is like for them.  

The effect of the pandemic

How will being a young child during the Covid-19 pandemic shape my daughter and her peer’s future? Online learning and the isolation from peers may make their attitudes towards face-to-face learning and being with others different than in the past. The focus on washing hands and hygiene may make children more aware of caring for their health. They certainly learned the importance of vaccination. I hope the practice of mask-wearing when one is sick becomes embedded in this generation as a common courtesy (and, frankly, for all generations). I think they will have seen the importance of people working together on a common goal–staying healthy.

Taming Technology?

Will Generation NYN be the ones to tame the technological beast and establish better boundaries around technology? Much has been written about Generation Z’s dependent relationship on technology. Seeing many of my daughter’s elementary student peers bring wearables (e.g., Apple Watches) to school to communicate with parents, play games, and look things up makes me think that their generation won’t be much different. They’ve grown up with their photos easily accessible on social media. They are also likely to be the most remotely monitored with GPS tracking of phones and that wearable technology.   

Using technology wisely

At the same time, this generation of NYN should be savvier in harnessing technology to address concerns and communicate on a large scale. I could easily imagine that they might see a pothole in the street, video its discovery, and either shame the city into fixing it or raise the money themselves to have it repaired. Given their early exposure to social media and technology, I don’t think my prediction is far-fetched.

Racial and ethnic diversity

Like previous generations, Generation NYN increases its ethnic and racial diversity. I know that my daughter’s view of others changed when she wrote a story that included boys, girls, and a character who is non-binary. The character’s role in the story is not about their non-binariness–they are simply one of the other kids solving a mystery. That character flowed into her story casually, which is progress, from my perspective as a Generation Xer, of an emerging world of accepting and appreciating others.

Environmental action

Generation NYN is more likely to want environmental action than in the past. These kids have come to expect recycling to occur, are cognizant of waste, and want to protect the environment. They will likely hasten the demise of gas-powered cars. They will continue to grow up with e-bikes and e-scooters to help their commutes and will want efficient public transportation even more. The impact of climate change will be their reality.

New year, new actions

Like most parents, I want my daughter’s generation to experience no wars or strife, have economic prosperity, abundant health, and a clean environment. With the new year, perhaps, I can take a step in the right direction. This year I want to focus more on giving my daughter the experiences that can shape her and maybe spread to others in her generation. If I want her to appreciate the environment, I need to get her outside more. If I want her to unplug from technology, I must let go of the electronic babysitters and engage more. If I want her to care about others, I may have to find her more giving experiences through volunteerism. If I want her to recognize the richness of diversity, I have to take her to activities and events where she can learn new customs and perspectives. The investment we parents make now can help the kids shape their generation into being better than in the past.

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Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE, is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay, and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.