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Five Valentine’s Day Activities for Monterey Bay Families

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While Valentine’s Day is commercialized as a romantic day for couples, it can also be a day celebrated by families. Including our children in Valentine’s Day activities makes the day special and emphasizes the real meaning of valentines spending quality time with someone they love. Luckily for us living in the Monterey area, there are plenty of local and at-home activities to celebrate Valentine’s Day as a family.

HEART-SHAPED PIZZAS AND MOVIE THEME 

This activity is a favorite that my husband and I started many years ago: ordering a heart-shaped pizza and a movie at home. Many of our favorite local pizza joints, such as Pizza My Heart participate in creating festive heart-shaped pizzas that can be delivered to your family. Ordering pizza helps the family avoid the chaos of making dinner reservations or cooking at home. We pick a theme for Valentine’s Day to make the movie fun. One of our favorite themes is family-friendly 80s classics—think The Goonies or The Last Starfighter. 

SUNDAES AT GHIRARDELLI 

If you want to do something away from the house, try venturing to Ghirardelli, located in the heart of Monterey. Families can enjoy the ocean view and spend time together while indulging in the World-Famous Chocolate Sundae, followed by a stroll on Cannery Row. 

LOVE STORY/FIRST DATE 

My kids love to hear how my husband and I first met. While the story may not be fascinating for most people, it’s always a good way to stay connected and remember how much we’ve grown as a couple and as a family. My husband and I met on a blind date at El Toritos on Cannery Row, so having tacos or a Mexican-food-themed dinner and telling the story of how our first date went is really magical as a family. 

FAMILY GAME NIGHT 

Nothing says family bonding more than a game night. Be sure to include Valentine’s Day-themed snacks such as chocolate-covered strawberries or pink popcorn. Is your family not really into board games? How about bowling at Monterey Lanes? Families can wear Valentine’s-colored shirts for their teams. Whatever you pick as your game, have some family-friendly competition.  

CREATE A MONTEREY BAY TREASURE HUNT 

This activity is more enjoyable for older kids and an excellent way for families to bond and explore the Monterey area. This activity requires more planning for the adults, but you can make this as complicated or as simple as you want it to be. First, pick four local places that you would like to check out as a family that have a love or Valentine’s Day theme. For example, add Paris Bakery to your map and try to find heart-shaped cookies, stop at Lover’s Point and take a picture at this local tourist spot, make a wish at the fountain in Del Monte followed by a sweet treat at See’s Candy. Create a map or print out one online and give hints to the kids on where they think each stop is. Whatever stops you choose to add, make it your adventure. 

Valentine’s Day Books for Kids

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Love from The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Celebrate love with the #1 New York Times best-selling title. Ring in Valentine’s Day—and love—with The Very Hungry Caterpillar. This charming, sweet title is the perfect gift on Valentine’s Day.

(Ages 1-3)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mouse! by Laura Numeroff

Join Mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie as he celebrates Valentine’s Day with all the friends he loves. This board book with sturdy pages is perfect for preschoolers, who will enjoy the simple introduction to the fun of Valentine’s Day.

(Ages 1-3)

Llama Llama I Love You by Anna Dewdney

In Llama Llama I Love You, little llama shows his friends and family how much he loves them with heart-shaped cards and lots of hugs. What could be sweeter than Llama Llama on Valentine’s Day?

(Ages 1-3)

In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek

Happiness, sadness, bravery, anger, shyness . . . our hearts can feel so many feelings. In My Heart explores a full range of emotions, describing how they feel physically, inside, with language that is lyrical but also direct to empower readers to practice articulating and identifying their own emotions. With whimsical illustrations and an irresistible die-cut heart that extends through each spread, this unique book is sure to become a favorite.

(Ages 2-5)

When I’m With You by Pat Zietlow Miller and Eliza Wheeler

From the time we are young, we are drawn to special people—the ones who complete our sentences and who know our favorite color, food, and song. The people who understand us and make us happier than anyone else in the world. This jubilant celebration of friendship and the adventures of childhood will make your heart sing.

(Ages 4-8)

Me & Mama by Cozbi A. Cabrera

Mama’s love is brighter than the sun, even on the rainiest of days. This celebration of a mother-daughter relationship is perfect for sharing with little ones. With lyrical prose and a tender touch, the Caldecott and Coretta Scott King Honor Book Mama and Me is an ode to the strength of the bond between mother and daughter as they spend a rainy day together.

(Ages 2-5)

If Animals Said I Love You by Ann Whitford and David Walker

If animals said “I love you” like we do…how would they say it? Ostrich would boom it with wings spread wide. Impala would speak with a leapity-leap. Gorilla would add a loud chest, slap-slap. And across the animal kingdom, every creature would show love in a unique way.

(Ages Baby-3)

Include Your Children in Valentine’s Day

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This month, we celebrate a day devoted to love, Valentine’s Day. I enjoy the day’s pageantry, wearing red (as I make a point to do), eating chalky candy hearts, and savoring chocolate. The celebration is supposed to be focused on one’s romantic partner; however, like most parents, I buy something for my daughter. Although the sentiments and gift-giving focus on my wife, I continue to include my daughter. I’m in good company. A 2016 Today poll of 1500 people indicated that 85% of parents buy something for their children for Valentine’s Day (a substantial number also buy something for their pets).

Kids benefit from reminders of how they are loved and loved unconditionally. For kids, the Valentine item could be a card, some drug store candy, or a small item from a dollar store to convey the sentiment. The importance to me is what the small item communicates: I love you and think about you.

Psychologist Carl Rogers changed the therapy world by shifting the therapist and client relationship to one where the therapist treated the client with “unconditional positive regard.” He had written that caregivers’ unconditional positive regard helps build self-worth for children as they get older and allows them to reach their full potential. In the therapy, he said that the therapist becomes a source of unconditional positive regard that the client didn’t get as a child. As a dad, I think about conveying this notion of unconditional positive regard. I want my daughter to know that no matter what, I love her. I know of too many adults with fractured relationships with parents who never feel like they have measured up to whatever standards were conveyed by their parents or that their parents didn’t understand who they were. Instead, I think of fortifying my daughter’s growing self by assuring her that she is loved unconditionally. Don’t get me wrong–I am not one to look at paint splatters on the side of the recliner and praise her for her creative use of new media. Still, a Valentine’s Day gesture becomes a tangible token that says: no matter what, I love you.

Kids are socially astute and see all the hoopla around Valentine’s Day. Many teachers have now realized that exchanging valentines means kids providing them for everyone in the class, so no one is excluded. However, some schools allow students to buy and send flowers, donuts, or other treats to other students on this day. My daughter has recounted the anticipated excitement of receiving something special but then the disappointment of her fourth-grade classmates when they were not the recipient. This is why, at home, I think it’s especially important to recognize the day.

Valentine’s Day is also about recognizing your romantic partner. There are direct and indirect benefits of demonstrating to the kids how to treat partners in a caring, loving, and respectful manner. Although concentrated on Valentine’s Day, the acts should be in addition to the regular and consistent gestures of unconditional love from parents, especially from a father. They learn about relationships and build their skills for the future.

Now, get that box of chocolates for your partner and include extra ones for your kids. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE, is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay, and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.

I’m Pro-Love But Anti-Valentine’s Day!

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Ah, February…that month when we spend our money on flowers and chocolate and try to get reservations at fancy restaurants we’d never eat at any other time of the year. Americans love romance! We’re suckers for a “love conquers all” story, and our embracing of Valentine’s Day is a symptom of that.

There are a few theories about who Saint Valentine was and why we celebrate this day every year in February. Whether you believe it originated with a priest from the third century who married couples against the emperor’s laws or started as a pagan celebration of fertility isn’t important. What is important is that you think about why this day is – or isn’t – significant to you. Do you feel more loved on Valentine’s Day? More special? More lonely? More dissatisfied? Or is it just another day?

I’ll let you all in on a big secret: I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. To me, it’s a “Hallmark holiday” that pressures us to spend money. For those who are single and don’t want to be, it can be a depressing time, bringing into focus their loneliness.

For couples, it’s a night to celebrate your love but in reality, it’s a night when many spend too much money on a gift, a meal, flowers, a babysitter, chocolate, and maybe a hotel room. And for what–to spend months paying off the credit card bill so you can do it all again in twelve months? The commercialism and capitalism on display during this “holiday” have always bugged me. (I feel similarly about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’ll save that for another time.)

I want to encourage everyone to try something new. If you must celebrate the day, keep it a low-key Valentine’s Day this year. With COVID surging in most areas, it’s best to stay out of busy restaurants and stores, anyway. Stay home. Cook together. If you can’t easily find a sitter, include your kids in the evening. Let them choose the meal. Or the movie. And then try doing this once a month. Making a date as a family – and as a couple – to connect regularly will create memories and a bond that you will warmly remember.

From there, practice loving your spouse every day. Start and end each day with a hug. Sometimes when we’ve been too busy to connect, my husband puts his arms around me and gives me a good squeeze; I realize how good it feels. It instantly makes my mood better and lifts my spirits.

Or try exchanging one text every day with your spouse, just telling them how much you appreciate something they’ve done or even something they wore. Be specific. Don’t say, “I appreciate you.” Say something like, “I noticed you took out the trash cans on trash day. Thank you for doing that!” Or, “That blue shirt you wore today made your eyes look amazing.” My husband will sometimes leave a post-it note on the bathroom mirror that says, “I love you, beautiful.”

Several years back, there was a “love your spouse challenge” circulating on social media. People would write something nice about their spouse and hashtag it for all to see. It was all the rage. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about that challenge that seemed off to me. It reminded me of being in high school and waiting for that guy you liked to let you wear his letterman’s jacket and prove to everyone that you had been picked. Then my husband posted this: “How about this challenge: love your spouse every day. Tell them and, even more importantly, show them. They’re the ones who need to know, not the entire Facebook world. And if you can’t do that, it might be time to revisit your priorities in romance.”

Nailed it, babe. And he (for the most part) puts his money where his mouth is. That, in a nutshell, is why Valentine’s Day bugs me. We should be making our spouses feel special all year. We should be going on dates every month. Romance is a perishable skill: you have to practice it to stay good at it. My husband and I have been guilty of allowing romance to dwindle. It’s been a rough couple of years, and everyone feels it. But I’m here to remind you to bring sexy back. And you don’t need a Hallmark holiday to do that!

TRICIA VLASAK is a mother, grandparent, and wife. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on adventures. She continues to take her wellness journey one step at a time.

A Month of Love with our Father’s Day Columnist

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Valentine’s day has become more than just demonstrating your love, affection, and appreciation for your romantic partner. As a dad, I also acknowledge my love and appreciation for my daughter as one of my valentines.

I am not hesitant to demonstrate my physical affection to my daughter. I am usually up first on weekends, lounging on the couch reading on my phone. My daughter patters in and seeks cuddling. Departures from home and returns are punctuated with hugs and kisses. When we go places, hand holding is common. It is natural for us. So, I am confused that our culture has decided that it is somehow unmanly or suspect for dads to be affectionate with their children for unknown, foolish reasons. There is nothing wrong nor inappropriate with dads showing physical affection toward their children. We should be encouraging it.

Some may say that fathers and mothers approach parenting differently. Nonetheless, research studies have shown that, in particular, fathers express their affection for their children through indirect ways such as doing joint activities or providing practical support rather than direct verbal communication or physical affection. At the same time, I think there have been too many physical affection taboos and pressures that keep dads from fully engaging with their children.

Together, we can shatter these limitations. For February, I propose that fathers have daily verbal and physical expressions of love.

It is easy to get caught up in the grind of managing work and home life and forget about the simple acts of affection for your kids. Imagine how kids can grow by hearing an “I love you” and getting a hug, deliberately, at least once, every day.

Several research studies have found that children benefit from physical affection from fathers. Adolescents, in one large study, who reported growing up with having parents who gave frequent hugs, said “I love you often,” ate together regularly as a family, and reported parents who can be confided in were significantly less likely to engage in drug use, engage in risky sex, and have better academic performance. However, these benefits were only significant when fathers and mothers were involved in these behaviors.

There are some old, lingering ideas about how dads should show affection for boys differently from girls. Research has found that girls still report more verbal expressions of love from their fathers, whereas boys report more activities together as expressions of love. There is nothing inherently wrong with this pattern, but I can’t help but think how much girls’ and boys’ experiences could be enriched by getting both verbal expressions of love and time in activities together. I am pledging to up my game at both too.

I think times are changing. I asked one father of two kids, a boy and a girl, who admits that he is not as affectionate as his wife with the kids but is deliberately more affectionate than his parents were with him. I asked another father how he expressed love to his 11-year-old son, and he said he doesn’t hold back and hugs and kisses his son a lot. He further explained, “I remind him how much I care about him and praise and encourage him around his work.” Recently, I was at a used bookstore donating books and popped in to see if they had a book my daughter mentioned. They did not, but I found books that I thought she would enjoy. When I gave them to her, she was so excited to receive the books and read the summaries on the back. She also recognized that I was thinking of her and that I was tuned into her interests. Words of encouragement, praise, knowing your kids’ interests and recognizing those aspects that make each kid unique are all techniques for conveying love.

Kids who feel loved become confident individuals who know they matter in the world. So, this month, to make sure my daughter knows it and experiences a dad’s love, I pledge to tell her and show her every day. Dads, join me, and let’s all tell and show our kids how much they are loved.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school aged daughter and reside in Marina.

Easy Peasy Valentine’s Day Crafts

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With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, we found a handful of really cute, really easy Valentine’s Day crafts. Using items you may already have around the house, you’ll be decorating with love while keeping the kids busy.

For complete instructions, click here.

Cardboard Roll Heart Stamp

There are two steps to this pretty painting. First, have the kids use watercolors to create a pretty, colorful background abstract (keep it relatively light so the hearts will show later). Once dry, use bent toilet paper rolls to stamp hearts.

Cotton Swab Painted Hearts. These cute and easy painted hearts are adorable as valentine’s for friends and family. Or, string a bunch together to create a sweet garland to decorate for the holiday. Gather your supplies: white card stock, whatever craft paint you have available (pan watercolor works great and is washable), and cotton swabs. For younger children cut out the hearts for them from the card stock either using a template available at the link or freehand.  Tip: cut out a bunch of them, kids will want to make a bunch!

Once you have your hearts, it’s paint time. Kids can dab their swabs into paint and then tab circles onto the paper. 

For complete instructions, click here.

Paper Plate Heart Wreath. Once you’ve cut out a handful of red, pink, and purple hearts, you can use the center part of a paper plate to form your wreath. The kids can randomly glue the hearts to the wreath base. Add a piece of string to hang your wreath and you have the perfect decoration for any door in the house.

Click for complete instructions.

No-Sew Heart Pillow. Disclaimer: you probably don’t have the felt you need for this project. But, it’s so adorable we’re including it anyway. It’s worth a trip to Joanne’s or Michael’s for a few pieces of felt to make one of these pillows. There are just a few steps involved (and lots of knot practice!) to create this really cute pillow. This one is for older children who are able to make a basic knot.

Click for complete instructions.

Valentine’s Day Canvas Art

While this does require slightly more complicated supplies, the end result is so pretty that it’s worth the effort. Making a series of these lovely hearts would be super cute hanging in a child’s room all year long. Using craft items like pompoms, artificial flowers, and sequins, each canvas has a different material glued into a heart shape. 

Click for complete instructions.

Parenting OC