love Archives - Monterey Bay Parent

Valentine’s Day Books for Kids

By Monterey Bay Parent Editors | January 25, 2023

Love from The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Celebrate love with the #1 New York Times best-selling title. Ring in Valentine’s Day—and love—with The Very Hungry Caterpillar. This charming, sweet title is the perfect gift on Valentine’s Day.

(Ages 1-3)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mouse! by Laura Numeroff

Join Mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie as he celebrates Valentine’s Day with all the friends he loves. This board book with sturdy pages is perfect for preschoolers, who will enjoy the simple introduction to the fun of Valentine’s Day.

(Ages 1-3)

Llama Llama I Love You by Anna Dewdney

In Llama Llama I Love You, little llama shows his friends and family how much he loves them with heart-shaped cards and lots of hugs. What could be sweeter than Llama Llama on Valentine’s Day?

(Ages 1-3)

In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek

Happiness, sadness, bravery, anger, shyness . . . our hearts can feel so many feelings. In My Heart explores a full range of emotions, describing how they feel physically, inside, with language that is lyrical but also direct to empower readers to practice articulating and identifying their own emotions. With whimsical illustrations and an irresistible die-cut heart that extends through each spread, this unique book is sure to become a favorite.

(Ages 2-5)

When I’m With You by Pat Zietlow Miller and Eliza Wheeler

From the time we are young, we are drawn to special people—the ones who complete our sentences and who know our favorite color, food, and song. The people who understand us and make us happier than anyone else in the world. This jubilant celebration of friendship and the adventures of childhood will make your heart sing.

(Ages 4-8)

Me & Mama by Cozbi A. Cabrera

Mama’s love is brighter than the sun, even on the rainiest of days. This celebration of a mother-daughter relationship is perfect for sharing with little ones. With lyrical prose and a tender touch, the Caldecott and Coretta Scott King Honor Book Mama and Me is an ode to the strength of the bond between mother and daughter as they spend a rainy day together.

(Ages 2-5)

If Animals Said I Love You by Ann Whitford and David Walker

If animals said “I love you” like we do…how would they say it? Ostrich would boom it with wings spread wide. Impala would speak with a leapity-leap. Gorilla would add a loud chest, slap-slap. And across the animal kingdom, every creature would show love in a unique way.

(Ages Baby-3)

I’m Pro-Love But Anti-Valentine’s Day!

By Tricia Vlasak | January 28, 2022

Ah, February…that month when we spend our money on flowers and chocolate and try to get reservations at fancy restaurants we’d never eat at any other time of the year. Americans love romance! We’re suckers for a “love conquers all” story, and our embracing of Valentine’s Day is a symptom of that.

There are a few theories about who Saint Valentine was and why we celebrate this day every year in February. Whether you believe it originated with a priest from the third century who married couples against the emperor’s laws or started as a pagan celebration of fertility isn’t important. What is important is that you think about why this day is – or isn’t – significant to you. Do you feel more loved on Valentine’s Day? More special? More lonely? More dissatisfied? Or is it just another day?

I’ll let you all in on a big secret: I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. To me, it’s a “Hallmark holiday” that pressures us to spend money. For those who are single and don’t want to be, it can be a depressing time, bringing into focus their loneliness.

For couples, it’s a night to celebrate your love but in reality, it’s a night when many spend too much money on a gift, a meal, flowers, a babysitter, chocolate, and maybe a hotel room. And for what–to spend months paying off the credit card bill so you can do it all again in twelve months? The commercialism and capitalism on display during this “holiday” have always bugged me. (I feel similarly about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’ll save that for another time.)

I want to encourage everyone to try something new. If you must celebrate the day, keep it a low-key Valentine’s Day this year. With COVID surging in most areas, it’s best to stay out of busy restaurants and stores, anyway. Stay home. Cook together. If you can’t easily find a sitter, include your kids in the evening. Let them choose the meal. Or the movie. And then try doing this once a month. Making a date as a family – and as a couple – to connect regularly will create memories and a bond that you will warmly remember.

From there, practice loving your spouse every day. Start and end each day with a hug. Sometimes when we’ve been too busy to connect, my husband puts his arms around me and gives me a good squeeze; I realize how good it feels. It instantly makes my mood better and lifts my spirits.

Or try exchanging one text every day with your spouse, just telling them how much you appreciate something they’ve done or even something they wore. Be specific. Don’t say, “I appreciate you.” Say something like, “I noticed you took out the trash cans on trash day. Thank you for doing that!” Or, “That blue shirt you wore today made your eyes look amazing.” My husband will sometimes leave a post-it note on the bathroom mirror that says, “I love you, beautiful.”

Several years back, there was a “love your spouse challenge” circulating on social media. People would write something nice about their spouse and hashtag it for all to see. It was all the rage. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about that challenge that seemed off to me. It reminded me of being in high school and waiting for that guy you liked to let you wear his letterman’s jacket and prove to everyone that you had been picked. Then my husband posted this: “How about this challenge: love your spouse every day. Tell them and, even more importantly, show them. They’re the ones who need to know, not the entire Facebook world. And if you can’t do that, it might be time to revisit your priorities in romance.”

Nailed it, babe. And he (for the most part) puts his money where his mouth is. That, in a nutshell, is why Valentine’s Day bugs me. We should be making our spouses feel special all year. We should be going on dates every month. Romance is a perishable skill: you have to practice it to stay good at it. My husband and I have been guilty of allowing romance to dwindle. It’s been a rough couple of years, and everyone feels it. But I’m here to remind you to bring sexy back. And you don’t need a Hallmark holiday to do that!

TRICIA VLASAK is a mother, grandparent, and wife. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on adventures. She continues to take her wellness journey one step at a time.

A Month of Love with our Father’s Day Columnist

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | January 28, 2022

Valentine’s day has become more than just demonstrating your love, affection, and appreciation for your romantic partner. As a dad, I also acknowledge my love and appreciation for my daughter as one of my valentines.

I am not hesitant to demonstrate my physical affection to my daughter. I am usually up first on weekends, lounging on the couch reading on my phone. My daughter patters in and seeks cuddling. Departures from home and returns are punctuated with hugs and kisses. When we go places, hand holding is common. It is natural for us. So, I am confused that our culture has decided that it is somehow unmanly or suspect for dads to be affectionate with their children for unknown, foolish reasons. There is nothing wrong nor inappropriate with dads showing physical affection toward their children. We should be encouraging it.

Some may say that fathers and mothers approach parenting differently. Nonetheless, research studies have shown that, in particular, fathers express their affection for their children through indirect ways such as doing joint activities or providing practical support rather than direct verbal communication or physical affection. At the same time, I think there have been too many physical affection taboos and pressures that keep dads from fully engaging with their children.

Together, we can shatter these limitations. For February, I propose that fathers have daily verbal and physical expressions of love.

It is easy to get caught up in the grind of managing work and home life and forget about the simple acts of affection for your kids. Imagine how kids can grow by hearing an “I love you” and getting a hug, deliberately, at least once, every day.

Several research studies have found that children benefit from physical affection from fathers. Adolescents, in one large study, who reported growing up with having parents who gave frequent hugs, said “I love you often,” ate together regularly as a family, and reported parents who can be confided in were significantly less likely to engage in drug use, engage in risky sex, and have better academic performance. However, these benefits were only significant when fathers and mothers were involved in these behaviors.

There are some old, lingering ideas about how dads should show affection for boys differently from girls. Research has found that girls still report more verbal expressions of love from their fathers, whereas boys report more activities together as expressions of love. There is nothing inherently wrong with this pattern, but I can’t help but think how much girls’ and boys’ experiences could be enriched by getting both verbal expressions of love and time in activities together. I am pledging to up my game at both too.

I think times are changing. I asked one father of two kids, a boy and a girl, who admits that he is not as affectionate as his wife with the kids but is deliberately more affectionate than his parents were with him. I asked another father how he expressed love to his 11-year-old son, and he said he doesn’t hold back and hugs and kisses his son a lot. He further explained, “I remind him how much I care about him and praise and encourage him around his work.” Recently, I was at a used bookstore donating books and popped in to see if they had a book my daughter mentioned. They did not, but I found books that I thought she would enjoy. When I gave them to her, she was so excited to receive the books and read the summaries on the back. She also recognized that I was thinking of her and that I was tuned into her interests. Words of encouragement, praise, knowing your kids’ interests and recognizing those aspects that make each kid unique are all techniques for conveying love.

Kids who feel loved become confident individuals who know they matter in the world. So, this month, to make sure my daughter knows it and experiences a dad’s love, I pledge to tell her and show her every day. Dads, join me, and let’s all tell and show our kids how much they are loved.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school aged daughter and reside in Marina.