Ah, February…that month when we spend our money on flowers and chocolate and try to get reservations at fancy restaurants we’d never eat at any other time of the year. Americans love romance! We’re suckers for a “love conquers all” story, and our embracing of Valentine’s Day is a symptom of that.
There are a few theories about who Saint Valentine was and why we celebrate this day every year in February. Whether you believe it originated with a priest from the third century who married couples against the emperor’s laws or started as a pagan celebration of fertility isn’t important. What is important is that you think about why this day is – or isn’t – significant to you. Do you feel more loved on Valentine’s Day? More special? More lonely? More dissatisfied? Or is it just another day?
I’ll let you all in on a big secret: I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. To me, it’s a “Hallmark holiday” that pressures us to spend money. For those who are single and don’t want to be, it can be a depressing time, bringing into focus their loneliness.
For couples, it’s a night to celebrate your love but in reality, it’s a night when many spend too much money on a gift, a meal, flowers, a babysitter, chocolate, and maybe a hotel room. And for what–to spend months paying off the credit card bill so you can do it all again in twelve months? The commercialism and capitalism on display during this “holiday” have always bugged me. (I feel similarly about the commercialism of Christmas, but I’ll save that for another time.)
I want to encourage everyone to try something new. If you must celebrate the day, keep it a low-key Valentine’s Day this year. With COVID surging in most areas, it’s best to stay out of busy restaurants and stores, anyway. Stay home. Cook together. If you can’t easily find a sitter, include your kids in the evening. Let them choose the meal. Or the movie. And then try doing this once a month. Making a date as a family – and as a couple – to connect regularly will create memories and a bond that you will warmly remember.
From there, practice loving your spouse every day. Start and end each day with a hug. Sometimes when we’ve been too busy to connect, my husband puts his arms around me and gives me a good squeeze; I realize how good it feels. It instantly makes my mood better and lifts my spirits.
Or try exchanging one text every day with your spouse, just telling them how much you appreciate something they’ve done or even something they wore. Be specific. Don’t say, “I appreciate you.” Say something like, “I noticed you took out the trash cans on trash day. Thank you for doing that!” Or, “That blue shirt you wore today made your eyes look amazing.” My husband will sometimes leave a post-it note on the bathroom mirror that says, “I love you, beautiful.”
Several years back, there was a “love your spouse challenge” circulating on social media. People would write something nice about their spouse and hashtag it for all to see. It was all the rage. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about that challenge that seemed off to me. It reminded me of being in high school and waiting for that guy you liked to let you wear his letterman’s jacket and prove to everyone that you had been picked. Then my husband posted this: “How about this challenge: love your spouse every day. Tell them and, even more importantly, show them. They’re the ones who need to know, not the entire Facebook world. And if you can’t do that, it might be time to revisit your priorities in romance.”
Nailed it, babe. And he (for the most part) puts his money where his mouth is. That, in a nutshell, is why Valentine’s Day bugs me. We should be making our spouses feel special all year. We should be going on dates every month. Romance is a perishable skill: you have to practice it to stay good at it. My husband and I have been guilty of allowing romance to dwindle. It’s been a rough couple of years, and everyone feels it. But I’m here to remind you to bring sexy back. And you don’t need a Hallmark holiday to do that!
TRICIA VLASAK is a mother, grandparent, and wife. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on adventures. She continues to take her wellness journey one step at a time.
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