Grandparents' Corner Archives - Monterey Bay Parent

Teach kids to play? YES!

By Tricia Vlasak | December 27, 2022

I work ten-hour days Tuesday through Friday, so I am off every Monday. That is my day with my grandkids. My grandson and I run errands, go to lunch, and generally gallivant around. That often includes a trip to Sam’s Club and a new toy. Today was no different. While we walked up and down the toy aisle, we tried to agree on something he wanted that I was willing to buy. As I extolled the virtues of building blocks and hot wheels, my three-year-old grandson said something to me that got me thinking. He said, “But, Grandma, those toys don’t DO anything. They’re boring.” It occurred to me my grandson wanted to be entertained. He did not want toys he had to play with; he wanted toys that did something to entertain him.

That conversation with my grandson made me wonder if this is common. Are we creating a generation of children who don’t know how to play? I asked a few friends – certainly not a large sampling – but it seems they have seen the same thing with their kids or grandkids, with a few exceptions. My generation and, to a large extent, the generations who are now young parents grew up with different toys than youngsters have now. We had to make up stories for our dolls, build things with blocks, or make racetracks for our motorless toy cars. Children now have dolls who can respond and speak, cars they can sit in and drive, and thousands of games and entertainment at their fingertips.

I sometimes think, as adults, we believe kids innately know how to play and create fun. But that isn’t true. Kids need to be taught how to use their imaginations. Creativity is the building block of critical thinking. Like so many skills, children are born with the ability to imagine and create, but they need guidance to use that skill. So can you teach your preschooler how to play and imagine? YES!

How do you encourage your preschooler to use their imagination?

Expose your child to different kinds of music, and encourage them to connect with it. Kids can connect with music by becoming a part of it through rhythm instruments, clapping, dancing, or drawing what the music makes them feel. Use an empty water bottle and put colorful marbles in it (be sure to glue the top on). Let your child shake the bottle to the rhythm of the music. Studies show that exposure to music, developing rhythm, and dancing all increase cognitive function in young children. Take this one step further, and talk to your children about how the music made them feel. Give them the language to describe their feelings. The bonus is that children with the language to express themselves experience less frustration!

Make art of household bits and pieces. Do you remember making puppets out of brown paper lunch bags? I sure do – and I loved it! Get a pack of brown paper bags and look around your house for scraps of material, yarn, buttons, crayons…anything colorful. Let your child glue things onto the bags to make puppets. Encourage them to make funny faces or animal faces on the bags. Then have funny conversations with the puppets or make up songs the puppets “sing.”

Let’s teach our grandchildren how to create…how to make up stories for their dolls, toy dinosaurs, or play cars. These activities aim to get your child using their creativity and imagination to express themselves.

As Albert Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination embraces the entire world.”

TRICIA VLASAK is a mother and grandparent. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on adventures. Tricia received a Gold Award for personal essay from Parenting Media Association in 2022.

Grandparents’ Corner: The Value Of Family Stories

By Monterey Bay Parent Editors | October 29, 2018

GRANDPARENTING 102: Thursday, November 8; 5:30-7:30 pm. This class will look at grandparenting the school-age child. Classes held at the Monterey Youth Museum, 425 Washington St, Monterey. Pre-register at 831-649-6444 or info@mymuseum. Class fee is $25 per person.

With the approaching holiday season and visits with extended family, consider using the time together to learn more, ask questions, and pay attention to family history.

What do you remember about the stories you heard from your grandparents? Did they tell you tales about your parent when they were young? I remember that it was particularly fun to hear about my father “getting in trouble” for pranks he played on his siblings. This upstanding, proper, professional man that I knew did that?

I recently had a conversation with a cousin I have not seen for decades. We talked about our parents, all passed on now and then moved to talk about our mutual grandparents. Because she lived close to our Grandmother, whom I only occasionally visited, my cousin was able to share her memories about things I never knew. I gained a new respect and love for my grandmother as a result.

Researching family history has become a national hobby. In the book “Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today” author Jane Isay says: “Our lives have touched at least five generations. In most families, that amounts to a century. History and people and events, joys and tragedies, happiness and craziness–all these elements are embraced in the generations that form our families.”

There is particular value for children to hear these stories. Researchers Marshall P. Duke and Robyn Fivush from Emory University have discovered that this shared information nurtures children emotionally and psychologically. Isay writes: “These researchers report that children who are informed about their family history have higher self-esteem, a better sense of their capacity to control what happens to them, and lower levels of anxiety. These qualities turn out to be important for success in life.”

Don’t be shy about initiating conversations with your children and grandchildren and sharing stories of your past. Bring a few photo albums with you and talk to your grandchildren about their ancestors. Share stories about your parents and grandparents. Talk to your grandchildren about your childhood and holiday celebrations from their parents’ childhoods. Your grandchildren will delight in seeing photos of you when you were their age and hearing about how things have changed.

The holidays are a perfect time to bring the generations together through shared stories so don’t miss this unique opportunity to bond with your grandchildren.

May you have a happy and memorable holiday season!

Here are some books that can guide you: “The Story of Me and My Grandma (or Grandpa)” from Parragon Books; and “From Grandmother With Love: A Personal History For My Grandchild” by Kelly & Regan.

Gail Root, M.A., facilitates Roots and Wings Parent Coaching and from Cradle to College & Guidance for Grandparents. You can get information at www.rootsandwingsparentcoaching.com. Gail is Nama to Quinn, age 6 ½; Spencer, 3 ½ and twins Reece & Kendall, 1 ½.

Grandparenting: A Special Kind of Love!

By Monterey Bay Parent Editors | August 27, 2018

I’ve discovered the joys of grandparenting! I am the grandmother of four beautiful children under the age of seven. I’ve heard grandparents say they wish they could have jumped right in and skipped the parenting part and I understand entirely.

I will be covering all sorts of questions grandparents may have in the months to come in Monterey Bay Parent Magazine’s new grandparenting column: “Grandparents’ Corner.” Here are just a few topics that we’ll be covering over the coming months:

Grandma, Nana, Mimi, Or . . . ?

One of the first things we think about when we hear the news about our grandchild-to-be is: “what do I want to be called?” You can do a little research and find lists of possibilities to see if one strikes your fancy. Pick your name, share it with the child’s parents and start to use it Or, you can wait until the first grandchild chooses your name. In my case, when my first grandson began to talk, he called me “Nama,” so that has remained my (grandparent) name.

Grandparenting Style

Family dynamics are often changed and perhaps challenged with the addition of little ones. Did you know research has suggested there are several styles of grandparenting? One author suggests formal, surrogate parent, fun seeker, resource, distant and safe haven. You can learn more about these at www.sarayogev.com/grandparenting-styles/

Amount of Contact

Have you considered how you want to relate to your children and grandchildren? Do you live close and wish to be part of their daily or weekly lives? Are you interested in being available for occasional or full-time care? If you do provide care while parents are working will you be paid?

Changes in Parenting Norms

Parenting has changed since you had a newborn. Some of the “new” things parents today consider, such as the position the baby sleeps in, car seat choices and laws, what foods (and when) to feed the baby can be very different than when you had a baby. It’s important to educate yourself on changes in baby care and discuss all of the options with the child’s parents.

At some point, everything from guidelines for screen time, the positive discipline vs. punishment issue, and what toys they want their child to have will come up.

Boundaries

Finally, what boundaries are appropriate for us, as grandparents? When should we give our opinion and when should we keep our mouth shut?

To get you started on suggested reading, check out “The Modern Grandparent’s Handbook, The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting” by Dr. Georgia Witkin.

I offer Grandparenting 101 (birth to pre-school issues) and 102 (the school-age child) at the Monterey Youth Museum. If you have questions, please email me at mamaroot@gmail.com, and I will explore them here with you.