Now that the holidays are over and there’s a little time until the next gift giving opportunity, can we discuss grandparents and gift giving? Love it or hate it, many grandparents enjoy spoiling our grandkids. Most of us have more time and money than we did as young parents, and we love nothing more than sharing both with our precious grandbabies. Unfortunately, gift-giving can sometimes cause issues between parents and grandparents.
Read any parenting magazine or blog article on the topic and you will usually find one giving parents advice on how to manage grandparents’ gift-giving. The list of complaints from parents is long: grandparents spend too much, they give too much “stuff,” their gifts upstage mom and dad’s gifts, they aren’t age-appropriate, they go against the parents’ values. And sometimes it’s as simple as not having enough room for more stuff.
From this grandma’s viewpoint, most of the complaints from parents are valid. But some of the advice in these articles is just crazy-talk. I read one piece giving the reader “5 Ways to Keep Grandparents’ Gift Giving Under Control.” One of them suggested having the grandparent come over to your house and clean up your playroom at the end of each day. Uhhhhh, no. That won’t be happening–been there, done that, and I did my time!
Thankfully, my daughter and her husband pretty much give us grandparents free reign when it comes to gift-giving for the kids. In return, I pay attention and put a lot of thought into what gifts will please my grandkids and their parents. But I do have a few suggestions that may make gift giving less stressful for everyone. If you are a grandparent, here is some food for thought. (If you are a parent, feel free to share with the grandparents in your life):
- Pay attention to your grandkids’ personalities. Do they seem scattered and unfocused when they open presents? Do they seem to find too many gifts overwhelming? If they are a more anxious child, this could be the case, and quality will be much more important than quantity. Or is your grandchild a whirling dervish, excited to be ripping open present after present, and loving all the attention? If you don’t see your grandchildren often, their parents are the best source of information and suggestions regarding this. They know their kids the best, so listen to them.
- Remember that you raised one of your grandchild’s parents. Do you trust that you did a good job? When they make their wishes known regarding gift-giving, don’t question them. Trust them and respect them. If you are over fifty, you were raised in the age of consumption: too much was never enough. But this is a different time. Parents are more conscious of their impact on the environment. As a result, they may want wooden toys rather than plastic. Or they may be raising their kids in a gender-neutral environment, and don’t want baby dolls for the girls and trucks for the boys.
- Consider giving the gift of your time. If you don’t live reasonably close, this isn’t as easy. But, if you do, why not plan out a “date” with your grandchildren every month? Give them a calendar with pictures of something they love (dogs, cats, skateboarding, etc.), and write in a monthly activity. The zoo, a museum, shopping, an amusement park–making memories is so much better than more “stuff,” and they last longer than any toy. (Obviously, you’d need to discuss the dates with the parents!) If you live further away, perhaps it is possible to plan a more extended visit with just your grandkids.
The bottom line is communication and trust. Grandparents, trust that the people you raised know what they’re doing. Talk to them about how you can enrich the lives of your grandchildren through gift-giving. And, parents, remember that grandparents can play a vital role in helping you raise your children. We can provide extra cushion during hardships and time-crunches, and we can help create a secure connection to family with your kids. Please give us some leeway when we want to spoil those babies. There is nothing like the love of a grandparent. The more people in a child’s life who love and support them, the happier and healthier they will be!
Tricia Vlasak is a mother, grandparent, and wife. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on Jeep adventures.