father Archives - Monterey Bay Parent

Ten Creative Father’s Day Gift Ideas

By Monterey Bay Staff | June 14, 2020

Video Surprise Make a “World’s Best Dad” video that he’ll treasure for years to come. Put on your brainstorming cap for your own ideas, or try some of these. On videotape, share special memories of your dad, sing to him, read him a poem, or do skits. Get the whole family involved and conduct interviews with each other with Dad as the main topic. Don’t forget your props such as a banner or collection of his prized possessions including sports trophies or equipment that tell who he is. Finally, be sure to let him know just how much he means to you.

King for the Day It isn’t everyday that dad is waited on hand and foot. Offer to be his loyal servant for the day, and bring him coffee and toast in bed; fetch his newspaper; lie out his clothes, bath towel, and mat; be host or hostess and serve his beverages and snacks; clean up after him and anything else to give him the royal treatment.

Memories of Dad Purchase a scrapbook, and create a record of memories about your father and you. Include photos of special outings, events, and holidays you’ve had together and other memorabilia from family vacations and activities such as concert or sporting event ticket stubs, postcards, and brochures. Next to each photo or item, describe your memories of those times together with your father.

A Man to Remember Get your creative juices flowing, and write a poem for your dad. You need not be a poet to come up with a few thoughtful words to say how much he means. Describe the impact he’s had on your life, how he’s helped you to become the person you are today, and what he is to you. Then print it on stationery, mat, and frame it.

Togetherness Takes Two Has your dad been putting off the dreaded task of cleaning out his attic, basement, or garage? Give him a gift of shelving materials and brackets, wall racks and ceiling hooks, and storage crates. Then spend the day helping him to get it organized while catching up on old times.

World’s Greatest Let dad know that he’s the greatest 365 days a year! Give him a “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug, t-shirt, book cover, book marker, wallet card, or other trinket that he’ll see or use regularly.

Father’s Day Feast As the old adage goes; the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, treat dad to a mouth-watering meal on the bar-be-que. Fix him his favorite: steak, ribs, chicken, burgers, or chops for starters, and don’t forget the grilled potatoes or squash, garlic bread or rolls, fresh green beans or asparagus, sweet corn, potato salad, and last but not least, his favorite dessert.

Just the Two of Us Put together a photo collage of you and your father. There are many ways to do this. Find instructions at your nearby craft store and create a Decoupage photo collage, keep it simple with a multi-photo frame, or purchase a unique 3D Photo Collage frame which can be found through a number of stores online.

Take a Stroll Enjoy a peaceful walk together in the park or the country. Better yet, gather your bikes or roller blades, hit a scenic bike path, and enjoy the summer breeze.

Certificates of Appreciation Show Dad you appreciate his hard work by returning the favor. Make coupons that say: “In appreciation for all that you do, Dad, please redeem this certificate for a hassle-free car wash by me!” Other favors include sweeping out the garage, mowing the lawn, or any other task for which he normally takes responsibility.

Catch a Flick…..or two Treat your dad to a movie fest. Rent a couple newly released videos or some of his long time favorites. Don’t forget the hot, buttered popcorn, candy, and soft drinks.

Kimberly Blaker is a freelance parenting and lifestyle writer. She’s also founder and director of KB Creative Digital Services, an internet marketing agency, at kbcreativedigital.com

Involved Dad Equals Happier, Healthier Kids

By Monterey Bay Staff | May 28, 2019

If I follow the media images, on Father’s Day, as a father, I am supposed to lie in a hammock, take a break from mowing the lawn, play golf, watch sports on television all day, open a tie as a gift, and take a nap. It is unlikely any of those will occur (although the nap does sound appealing). The media portrayal of what fathers do in their families has become fathers who can’t make a meal, can’t handle caring for their children (let alone change a diaper), hide in the garage, and have no clue of how to shop for their children among other inaccurate representations of what fathers do.

The reality is that fathers engage in family and household duties successfully every day. The challenge has been that parenting is often seen as–what I have learned is called–“matricentric,” centered on mothers. Parenting is a partnership, not just about what mothers do or what fathers do through mothers as filters. Fathers have an impact on their children through their fathering. For kids, the benefits of father involvement are tremendous. With involved dads, kids achieve more in school, have better social relationships, and are less likely to engage in aggressive and delinquent behaviors. Father-absence has the opposite effects of putting kids at risk for aggression, lower academic achievement, and weaker social skills. Even when fathers are non-residential (like when Dad does not have full custody of children or military dads on deployment) and have warm, interactive relationships with their children, they still foster positive outcomes their children. Fathers are vital pieces to the parenting puzzle.

Those dads who disengage from their families, relegate themselves to just “baby daddies,” or become deadbeat dads do the rest of us a disservice and present a poor image of fatherhood. Those bad dads should not be representative of the rest of us who are full partners in parenting and work hard to raise good kids.

Nowadays, fathers are spending more time with their children than in the past. Current studies indicate that fathers are spending more time with their children by bringing them into their leisure activities. This means that fathers are spending more of their non-work time in activities that include children. Fatherhood is also changing identities more for men than in the past. Current approaches to involved parenting are having men view fatherhood as central to their perceptions of themselves. Men are becoming first-time fathers at older ages. The current average age of first-time fathers is 31 years old in the U.S., which means fathers are bringing more life experience to their fathering. All this adds up to fathers being more involved, more connected, and better parents.

There should be more recognition of positive examples of fathers. I have a friend who recently posted on his social media account that he was in Victoria’s Secret shopping for underwear with his young, teenage daughter. After teasing him about finding panties in his size, I complimented him on his excellent fathering. For the daughter, I imagine, despite the typical teen embarrassment and eye rolls, that she recognized that her father was fully present in all aspects of her life and accepting the totality of who she is. Many people yearn for that level of support that my friend provided, just by being a good dad. Many of you may have seen the social media image of an attentive father in the bathroom, shirtless, holding an infant in a carrier and braiding his preschool-aged daughter’s hair. Or, perhaps, you see those fathers working hard in the fields to provide for their families here. I also recognize the great sacrifices that dads in the military and those who are first responders make by putting duty to community and country ahead of their families. These are the images and actions of fathers that merit attention and appreciation.

As one of those involved dads, I see your stares when you see me disciplining my daughter or her crying after being reprimanded for poor behavior. I hope those stares become a learning experience, because, yup, that is what I do as part of being a good dad.

For this Father’s Day, don’t fret over gifts or special meals. Just acknowledge the good acts that the dads in your life do every day. Also, pledge to offer a compliment or encouragement to fathers you see in the community doing good things for their children and families. Dads fathering well need to be recognized by us all. This Father’s Day I won’t be lying in a hammock alone–I’ll be with my family.

Happy Father’s Day!

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty 5-year-old daughter and reside in Marina.

Dad Sets the Example On Valentine’s Day

By Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch | January 28, 2019

Welcome to our new Father’s Day column. Each month Rob Weisskirch will discuss topics of importance to fathers raising children in Monterey and Santa Cruz Counties.

Valentine’s Day means finding the right gesture to acknowledge your romantic relationship. This process might suggest buying a card, flowers, candy, jewelry, a romantic dinner, or–if you live in the land of TV commercials–a car with a ribbon around it for your partner. Throughout my relationship with my wife, I think I have done all of the above, minus the car (maybe, someday!). My gestures are rarely elaborate but are essential activities to acknowledge us as a couple. As a dad, I know my daughter sees these Valentine’s Day efforts and is learning from me how to have positive relationships with others.

Research supports that children’s understanding of later romantic relationships is greatly influenced by the relationship with and between their parents. Generally, kids who have positive, supportive, relationships with parents are more likely to have greater intimacy and relationship satisfaction with romantic partners later on. Knowing this, I often think about how my 5-year-old daughter experiences her relationship with me, her father. I am the parent with more rigid rules, but, at the same time, I also engage in more physical play, wrestling around, or squishing her with couch cushions. My daughter and I get dirt under our nails in the garden, and I am the designated untier of knots. What is she getting from this father-daughter relationship? She is learning that she can act freely and challenge others without getting hurt. She is learning that she can say “enough” and have it respected and that I, as a man, will treat her with consideration, reliably. Mostly, she is absorbing our interactions as part of her understanding of relationships with males.

My daughter is also learning about relationships from how I treat my wife. My wife and I are not big yellers when we disagree. We strive to treat each other respectfully and tease playfully. On occasion, when we are discussing a topic, our daughter will say, “Stop fighting!” And, we simultaneously say, “We are not fighting” (really, it’s just a discussion). But, for her, she may be interpreting this as fighting. I am okay with that. I want her to realize that romantic partners can disagree, discuss, and come back together successfully. I would rather she see us work things out than fall prey to a media image of couples who scream, yell, call each other names, and become physical with one another as the notion of what it means to be in a relationship. Reality is that relationships have to be nurtured.

It is not just about what you do for Valentine’s Day (and every day), it is also about what you say. Many years ago, I worked with adolescents who could not, for various reasons, live with their parents and resided in a group home. I remember after the teens had visited their parents, having a group session, and one teen girl saying that “I know my mom loves me and stuff. But, it’s always good to hear. And, she, like, never says it to me.” This girl was uncertain of whether she was loved. I remember thinking how I did not say “I love you” with enough regularity to my parents and changed my behavior. Saying “I love you” now to my daughter is frequent and purposeful. I want her to feel the comfort of being loved and also to be reminded of the love from her father. Research also supports that, for boys, feeling loved and learning to express positive feelings can support healthy relationships in the future.

Dads, as Valentine’s Day approaches, include kids in card making or gift buying and explain why you do so. Children pick up on the interactions you have with them and with your romantic partner. It is not about the size of your gift or the amount you spend on your loved one but instead about demonstrating to children how to treat others and how they ought to expect others to treat them. Valentine’s Day is just one concentrated day where hearts and words of love abound. If you want kids to have good, positive relationships, tell them how you feel and show them, every day.

Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He is author of over 70 academic articles ranging on topics from parent-adolescent cell phone use to language brokering (i.e., when kids translate for their parents and other adults) to adolescent identity development among other areas. He and his wife are parents to a chatty 5-year-old daughter and reside in Marina.