A YouTube channel Dad, How Do I? was recommended to me in my social media feed. Rob Kenney provides videos on stuff that a dad “should” teach you on this video channel. The videos range from how to tie a tie, home repairs and car maintenance, to the basics of finances. He provides his advice in an approachable, friendly, every dad way. After watching several of the videos, I came to appreciate this kind of advice (and learned some tips too). But, at the same time, I was struck by the idea that there are certain things that kids should be taught and how learning these skills leads to confidence and self-sufficiency.
When I think of what my father taught me, I think of how he taught me how to barbecue. I don’t mean the simple backyard grill. My father is from Argentina, where an Asado is an event, and your worth as a person is measured by the perfection by which you grill the meat. I remember him showing me how to pile the coals and judge that they were at the right state for grilling. He showed me how to monitor the flames to bring about the best char. Now, anytime grilling is involved, I feel confident in delivering tasty food as my father did.
I also think about what I learned from my stepfather. One time I came home from college with a headlight out on my car. I was fretting about spending money to take the vehicle to a mechanic when my stepfather said he could replace it quickly. I was doubtful of his skills, but he took me to the auto parts store, purchased the replacement bulb, and walked me through changing the bulb, saving me the cost and hassle. After I drove back to school, sure enough, the other headlight went out within a week. This time, however, I had learned how to fix the headlight and repeated the steps I had been shown successfully. I called my stepfather excitedly because I had been able to change the headlight on my own.
Recently, I was in the yard showing my daughter how to plant tomatoes so that they will grow and flourish. I had her dig a spot, place the seedling deep into the hole, and fill it in as I held the plant upright. She then watered the plant well, and we discussed why the plant needed this kind of care. She then planted the next seedling, narrating to me what she was doing and why she was doing it. When I gave her positive feedback, she grinned widely and wanted to do more on her own.
There is never enough time to take care of household tasks or general maintenance around the house. It is much faster if you can just get the tasks done. However, these instances can become opportunities in building skills for kids or just learning how the world works. By gaining these skills, kids become confident and proud of their self-sufficiency. And, they have the chance to associate those skills they learn with their dad.
I remember one time I had taken my daughter kite flying with kites ranging from one purchased at the dollar store to one purchased in San Francisco’s Chinatown. It would have been easier for me to assemble the kites and get them in the air as soon as possible and then hand her the string. She was eager to fly them and did not want to listen to how to get them going. After some poor attempts and switching kites, she was ready to listen. We talked about the differences in the kite shapes and the need for the tails. I showed her how to figure out which direction the wind was coming and think about how the wind would push against the kite to keep it aloft. I positioned her correctly, explaining which direction to run and how to let out the string as the kite rises. It took her several tries, a few cries of frustration, and a lot of “Dad, I know what to do.” Then, she took a run, a gust of wind was well-timed, and the kite rose into the air. She quickly let out the string and saw how high the kite flew. With a big smile on her face and jumping around, I had to remind her to keep watching the kite gently. She also got the accolades of the other kids and families in the park since the kite could be seen in the air by all. Now, I know kite flying is not great skill. But, I think that my daughter learned that she could master something on her own and felt proud of doing so. And she learned from her dad.
My goal for the future is for her to have little need to watch videos of what dads should teach their kids. Like many dads, I want my daughter to be confident and self-sufficient with the tasks of life. So, I plan to do my best to teach her all the stuff this dad can teach her.
Happy Fathers Day!
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.
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