It is time to order those flowers, make brunch reservations, and have kids make cards for the mothers on Mother’s Day. As a dad, my job is to ensure that my daughter responds to her mother with appreciation and that I take the time to thank my wife for all she does in the care of our daughter and our family as a whole. Day to day, it is easy to take mothers for granted. Mothers do so many little and big things for kids (and often rescue dads from having to do them).
Mothers’ relationships with their kids begin when they are in utero. As mothers feel the movement inside their bellies, they start forming notions of who that child is and how to respond to that child. A mother might think “You’re a little kicker” or “You don’t like spicy food”—all which add to the budding relationship. Even adoptive mothers, research shows, have physiological and psychological changes post-adoption. All of this means that the relationship between mother and child is indeed special, like a superpower. Mothers instinctively know how to care for their children. Yes, there are rare cases of mothers who do a poor job, but almost universally, mothers are in tune with the needs and care of their children. Even as a pretty involved dad, sometimes all I can do is watch and learn.
My wife is the one who seeks out the best lotion or shampoo for my daughter among the vast array of products of which I know nothing about. My wife is able to convince my daughter of smart, fashionable choices of clothing or type of sneaker when my fashion sense input is non-persuasive and dismissed. My wife provides a sympathetic ear to my daughter when she rehashes her friendship drama of which I “just don’t understand.” My wife ensures that my daughter has a new shirt for Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day or Pi Day or other special dress-up days at school. She patiently sits alongside my daughter doing homework to provide “help” when she really just wants companionship. She helps my daughter plan and pack the right clothes when we travel. Her powers and expertise as a mother are recognized by my daughter, and I am not sure that I could or would want to insert myself into these situations.
Becoming a mother is transformational. Certainly, daily schedules change, priorities shift, and expectations of the future evolve to include family life. Even the most prepared woman or experienced mom cannot really know, in advance, how they will build their relationship with a specific kid—yet, they figure it out and do it well. As a dad, I watch from the sideline in awe at how well and smoothly, for the most part, this happens.
I used to think those mothers who call themselves Momma Bears or Tiger Moms or something similar were just posturing of the lengths they would go to protect their families. Then, I have seen the veracity with which moms advocate for their children who are ill, who need support for learning differences, who deserve protection from bullying, or who require the appropriate attention from an authority figure. Although these may be common situations that muster maternal intervention, these moms are also the ones to ensure that lunches get packed, playdates scheduled, and homework remembered. Ultimately, when it comes to families, mothers are the superheroes both in a crisis and everyday in getting things done.
Setting aside a specific day to recognize mothers is necessary. Mothers do so much in raising the next generation and filling them with hope, empowerment, and love and everything else that one day becomes a small token. Dads, it is time to pay attention to what would honor the mom in your life—a special meal out, a housecleaning, a gift, or whatever demonstrates true gratitude. Whatever you choose, the gesture should be accompanied with honesty by saying “thank you” directly to that person.
So, to my wife, mother of my child, thank you for everything you do everyday to raise our child to be the best person she can be and for being our daily family superhero.
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