It’s time to start planning your child’s birthday party! You have the location, date, and theme all set. Now all that’s left to figure out is the etiquette: the do’s and don’ts surrounding throwing a child’s celebration.
Here are two guides to help both the parents throwing the birthday bash and the ones attending.
Tips for Birthday Party hosts
1. INVITATIONS
Don’t distribute invitations at school. It is not necessary to invite everyone in your child’s class to the party. It is usually a bad idea to have too many guests, especially with younger children. I know for myself, I must limit the amount we invite to keep to a budget. To be considerate of others’ feelings, invitations should be mailed, emailed or handed out elsewhere. Talk to your child about not discussing the party at school since not everyone may be invited.
Long-time birthday party hostess and attendee, Angela Wecker, suggests that if not everyone in the class can be invited to the party, parents could host a more informal playdate, inviting the whole class to a nearby park after school and provide cookies or cupcakes.
2. RSVP’S
Getting RSVP’s can be rough. It’s okay to call, text or e-mail parents if they don’t reply to your invitation by the deadline you give. Use the contact as an opportunity to clarify the time and date of the party (and to gather information about things like food allergies, especially if the parents are dropping off their children).
Be prepared for extra surprise guests. We have all been to a party when someone unexpected pops up. Siblings may come even if the invitation states only one or two of the children are invited. Be ready with extra cupcakes or a few extra goody bags, just in case!
3. GOODY BAGS
Speaking of goody bags, many parents are opting out of the traditional character covered plastic bags full of cheap trinkets. Consider sending kids home with a small, affordable gift such as a coloring book and crayons or a re-usable water bottle to replace the usual assortment of stuff.
4. GIFTS
Wait to open gifts? Should your child open presents then and there or after guests leave? I think it depends on your child, their age, and the party environment. Diane Gottsman; an etiquette expert, says to give your child present-opening tips. Before the party, educate them about gift-opening etiquette, especially if you will be opening gifts at the party. Before everyone arrives, remind them that a smile and a “thank you” are good ways to acknowledge a gift, not “I don’t like Sponge Bob” or “I have this one.”
I have seen young kids under six, rip open the gifts and mix up the cards, with no way to know who gave them what. If you like to keep track of who gave which gift for thank you card purposes, waiting until later may be the best way to go.
To make gift-giving easier and smoother for younger children, consider making the activity into a game. Expert party organizer, Jamie Leigh suggests starting a tradition. The birthday child opens each gift and the giver gets to select something from a basket of favors.
5. THANK YOU NOTES
Thank you notes are mandatory! I can’t tell you how many times I have given a gift and not received a thank you card. Parents and children should write or print out cards to send out a few days after the party. Mom or dad can write the note on their behalf if they are young, but it is best to get the child involved as early as possible. Let them write the notes if they can, “dictate” to mom or dad, or at least sign their name, depending on their ability. Even a bunch of chicken scratch or a picture drawn on a piece of paper is better received than nothing.
Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert writes, “Teaching your child to write thank-you notes is a gift that will last much longer than any of the brightly wrapped presents that he opens on the big day.” You’ll be teaching consideration, gratitude, and writing skills.
Tips for Birthday Party guests
1. RSVP
The host needs to know how many guests to plan on so that each child gets a goody bag and there’s enough of everything to go around. RSVP’s are a must, especially when the party is at a place like MY Museum or the Bowling Alley, which involve advance head counts.
RSVP, however, the invitation says. I usually write; “call, text or e-mail” to cover all the bases. Try not to accept or decline while standing outside the school or classroom. Not only is it more difficult for the host to keep track that way but not all the children in the class may have received an invitation. It is best if you don’t bring up the party unless you know their children were also included.
2. GIFTS
Try to find out what the birthday kid likes. It will simplify gift buying and will also serve as a good lesson for your child. I know my son loves paying attention to what their friends enjoy playing with, watching on TV, or what books they choose from the library.
Don’t feel the need to spend a ton on a gift. My five-year-old son received a $100 Batman toy from his aunt for his birthday. He liked it, however, he was no more impressed with that than he was with a $8-dollar Batman book he received from a friend. The key to both gifts’ success was that the givers knew he loved Batman. The money spent made no difference.
3. DIETARY RESTRICTIONS
Do let the host know about any dietary restrictions. Whether a child has food allergies, a kosher diet, a vegan lifestyle, etc., many hosts will try to have at least one food item available that the child can eat. It also opens the door for communication. A couple of my son’s longtime friends are allergic to peanuts. When we all get together, I make sure that peanut butter is not on the menu.
4. COURTESY
Don’t bring extra siblings. Angela remarks, “Unless otherwise stated, the birthday party is not for everyone.” It is not fair to the host to bring your other children when only one has been invited. If in doubt about who is invited, ask or decline the invitation due to a lack of childcare. Once the child is old enough to be dropped off, it will be easier to have them attend without a sibling tagging along.