Most of us watched the events of Wednesday, January 6, in horror. Mobs of protestors stormed through barricades, scaled walls, broke windows, and gained access to the United States Capitol. Once inside, they vandalized offices, posed for selfies, and destroyed and stole artwork. Five people died during the siege, including a Capitol police officer. There has been nonstop news coverage of the events, and by now many children will have seen photos or video of the events and will have questions and concerns. How can you address your child’s concerns in an honest, open way while also reassuring them?
The best place to start is to assess what your children know. What have they heard, and what do they think? Susan Swick, MD, Physician-in-Chief, Ohana says: “With quickly unfolding and shocking events such as we witnessed yesterday in Washington DC, it is normal to have the television news on continuously. Since most families are at home together during the continued surge of the COVID pandemic, children, even the very young, will be following these images and sounds, too.”
Robb Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D. (and Monterey Bay Parent columnist) says it’s important to follow that by reassuring children that what took place was far away and that no children were involved. Remind them that they are safe. According to the National Education Association, “what is most important to remember and to tell kids is that the brave people who are helping will eventually bring order and peace.”
Here are some things to think about when addressing The Capitol attack (or other disturbing news events):
1. Give children room to be anxious and to share their fears.
Let your children know that it’s ok to be scared and that they can ask you questions and talk about how they feel. Reassure them that they are safe and that the adults in charge are working on getting answers to prevent this from happening again. Depending on their age, you could encourage your children to write about their feelings or create a piece of art. Look at their artwork together, asking open-ended questions that may help them find the words to explain their feelings.
2. Keep it developmentally appropriate.
What you tell a five-year-old is going to differ from a much more frank discussion with a teen. For littles, keep it general, and in words, they will understand. This advice comes from an NPR article (“How To Talk To Kids About The Riots At The U.S. Capitol” ): “For those struggling with talking to the youngest children, Martha Bishop, who teaches kindergarten outside Tucson, Ariz., shared this with NPR on social media: ‘I think I’d probably tell them that today some people threw big naughty grownup temper tantrums because they didn’t like how they vote for president turned out. They did this instead of using their words, and it was a little scary, just like it can be scary when you see another kid (or sibling?) throw a BIG temper tantrum. They were loud and interrupted our leaders while they were doing important work. But helpers stopped them, and our leaders got to do their jobs!’”
For teens, you can have frank conversations about everything from how the government works to race privilege. Grinil Khanna, a counselor with Family Dynamics, reminds parents that this can be a teaching moment on topics including politics (i.e., voting, democracy, elections); displays of healthy and non-healthy activism (peaceful protests, non-peaceful demonstrations); and differences of opinion and how to best address those disagreements.
Dr. Swick adds: “Older children may understand the facts very clearly, but be upset about issues of fairness or justice. It is important to bear these feelings right alongside them. Offer them your interested attention and discuss how sometimes bad things do happen, but that there are also always good people who will try to help.” She adds that during the discussion, you may get to learn about your teenager’s developing opinions and sense of values. She also advises to “check-in when they are most likely to talk, maybe while riding in the car together or while they are helping you set the dinner table, rather than in a serious sit-down conversation.
3. Take control of their exposure to the news. Trying to shield your children entirely is probably not possible nor desirable but do consider limiting media exposure. When children do watch, read, or listen to news reports, do it with them so you can immediately address concerns and discuss what they are seeing or hearing.
4. Watch for signs of anxiety and stress. Children may feel anxiety because they saw the events unfold, and they are now confused about the timeline. They may also be aware of their parents’ being more focused on the news or being on their digital devices more. According to Weisskirch: “These are all stressful times, so adding the recent news event can make anxieties increase. Look for changes in routine–eating, sleeping, motivation, and emotional control. If emotional outbursts or meltdowns increase, that may indicate something is off.”
5. Steps to take now. It’s essential to take a break from the news and focus on your regular activities. Weisskirch advises parents to step away from screens and to shut off electronics for a bit. Get the kids outside or involved in activities and focused on their interests like board games and art activities. Come back to the topic later after children have time to digest what you’ve discussed, and you can follow up on any new questions or concerns.
Finally, a little advice for parents from Dr. Swick: “Kids are especially attuned to their parents’ distress, so if you are intensely angry or upset by yesterday’s events, let your partner or another caring adult (a favorite aunt or a best friend’s parent) check in with your children for now. Take care of yourself, getting some exercise or time outside, or connecting with a friend. This has been a year of sustained challenges, most of them unprecedented. To help your children regain their balance, make sure you are also doing what you need to regain your own.”
For additional information:
Ohana Montage Health: www.montagehealthohana.org
Family Dynamics: www.auxfamilydynamics.com