When I see news or social media posts about how coping with Covid-19 and dealing with remote learning has become a “lost year” for kids, it makes me cringe. Framing this past year in negative terms makes our children absorb that sentiment and feel as though they are deficient or something is missing from them because of these outside events. Instead, I think of this as a found year.
When my daughter was an infant, I was fortunate enough to have an extended paternity leave period. I got to stay home and be the primary caregiver for her for several months. As her infant personality unfolded, I witnessed her tenacity and frustration as well as her sunny disposition. She played and cooed in front of me and drew people towards her when we went to do errands, as cute babies do. At the same time, staying home caring for an infant was also dull, isolating, and frustrating. There were times when, because of the day’s activities and my daughter’s routine, no one spoke to me until my wife came home. Also, when she was sick or fussy or wouldn’t nap, I felt frustrated trying to figure out how to make things better. Like most parents, I got to know her likes and dislikes and pushed through to make it work.
CONCENTRATED TIME
Now, under the pandemic, I have again had concentrated time at home with my daughter. However, this time she can interact and respond with words, and her strong personality is evident. She has taught me about herself and more about me.
I have learned that she is an active participator in class. I knew she was a talker and enthusiastic about learning but had not realized how much she pursues attention by answering quickly, whether she is correct or not. This pattern has resulted in her teacher having to ask her to let others speak, mute her, and put her in the waiting room on a couple of occasions. These actions greatly annoyed her but were a good lesson in being part of a group and thinking about others (which we remind her). I have also learned that she is a “trash talker” when playing her online math game. In the game, you answer math questions to battle dragons, monsters, and other foes. As she approaches these computer-generated opponents, she will say to them things like, “Oh, you won’t get me!” “Ha, ha, I will melt you!” or “You will die and burn!” I knew there was a little competitiveness in her but had not realized how much.
I have also seen her leadership emerge. When the connection is poor on the teacher’s side, she is willing to step in to lead the class in opening activities or helping direct a discussion of what the students want to do while they wait.
THE THINGS KIDS SAY!
I have seen how funny she can be. Early in the shutdown, my wife and I started tracking some of the funny things that she said to document the events of the pandemic. Here are some of the gems:
“You guys are not treats.”
“Things taste better when they are your favorite color.”
“What if it’s something really interesting like an echidna penis.” [We had been watching a lot of zoo shows]
“How can they not get my vision? It is so visionable.”
“Get up! You can be my sidekick.”
“You are not my lovely assistant. You’re my okay assistant.”
“I do make good choices. You don’t see them.”
“Daddy is trio awesome.”
LESSONS FOR DAD
I have also learned more about myself. I have never liked working from home and still do not. Interrupting my work to help my daughter to log on, understand an assignment, or get attention frustrates me to no end. I am trying to quell my reactions and be more patient, but this is not my strong suit. At times, I have to stop my tasks to act as a classmate so that she has companionship while she completes her assignments. I have realized that sometimes I need to break away from the remote demands of work and go for a bike ride with my daughter. She then gets out some energy, and the bike ride gets me out of my frustrated state. Rather than push her out, I sometimes need to bring her closer.
The protocols to keep us healthy are now continuing beyond a year. As a dad, I look at these temporary limitations as more found time to be together, learn about one another, and build our connection as a family.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school aged daughter and reside in Marina. To read more of Rob’s articles, click here.
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