Almost since birth, my daughter showed an innate love of dance. I was dreading it the moment I noticed she had rhythm. Why? Well, because I knew that I would inevitably end up as a gulp, dance, mom! Fast forward a few years, recitals, rehearsals, and competitions later, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought; however, it isn’t hard to get sucked into the dance mom world and get overly competitive about her costume, accessories, and routine. Here are some tips on how to be a supportive and positive parent, and not turn into one of “those” dance moms.
Be informed and go directly to the source.
All dance studios are different in the way they share information with the parents. You may get emails with critical dates, payment reminders, and schedules, or you get handouts wrinkled and stuffed your dancer’s bag. Be sure you know how information is coming home and if you are unclear about something, go straight to the teacher or secretary and avoid hearsay.
Make friends with other dance moms.
This is key! They will be your support group when you are waiting for your dancer to perform during those endless competition days. Dance mom friends also come in handy when you need an emergency pick up or drop off when you can’t make it to the studio because you are busy being your children’s Uber driver.
Praise other dances and dancers.
Be positive. Your dancer is not the center of the universe, and other kids genuinely dance just as good or even better than your kid! When you happen to be watching other dances or notice another child doing something remarkably well, be nice, and share your compliment with their parents. A little kindness goes a long way.
Drop off your dancer 10 minutes early.
Dropping your dancer off a little early before class time, allows them to chat with their friends before class and very likely focus more in class instead of talking. It also allows you a moment to check in with the studio, let the front desk see your face, and make sure there isn’t anything major you missed in a paper or email. It also allows you to potentially say hi to your dance mom friends.
Learn how to do hair, makeup, and use a glue gun.
This was my worst nightmare! Thank goodness for Youtube videos! One of the most important things about being a dance mom is getting the right hairstyle down and the precise shades and amounts of lipstick, eyeliner, blush, and eyeshadow. As much as I hate to say it, stage makeup is heavy. Although you may think your daughter has too much makeup on for recitals and competitions, chances are it is not enough, and you have to get used to that. Another tool that every dance mom needs is a glue gun or a friend with a glue gun. You will likely need to bedazzle or attach something, and a glue gun will become your best friend before competition days.
Be realistic with their schedules.
Try to be realistic in terms of scheduling classes. While most dancers do love to dance and be at the studio, dancing 3-4 days a week for 2-3 hours isn’t for everyone. Go through the schedule with your child and be sure they understand what’s expected in terms of juggling dance, homework. Dinner time is also something to note since dance classes are usually between 5-7pm on weeknights.
Listen, but don’t react.
The chances are that your dancer will come home one day and say that someone in class told them they are off on their steps or they are showing off, or their hair looks ugly that day. Do yourself and your child a favor, don’t overreact. Listen to their concerns and offer counseling if needed, but 9/10 times it’s just trivial, and there’s no need for blowing up and confrontation.
No excuse-making or blaming.
When your child makes a mistake during a show, don’t blame the other kids or the teacher. Mistakes happen, and it is not always someone’s “fault.” If your child didn’t score as well as you’d hoped in a competition, don’t blame the judge or the slippery stage. Accountability is one of the key things kids need to learn. Instead, try to offer words of encouragement and embrace competition as motivation to improve.
Be prepared.
It is no surprise that dancing is pricey! Just breathe and accept the fact that on top of the tuition, costumes, workshops, and competition fees, you will also have to buy sports bras, jazz shoes, ballet shoes, tights, bobby pins, hairspray, hairnets, and gel.
Check-in with your dancer.
Make sure your dancer is happy. Talk to your child now and again about how the class went, how they like it, and what they are looking forward to in the coming weeks. You give up too much time and money for your dancer to feel like dance class is “blah.” If there comes a time that your child isn’t happy dancing, have a heart to heart and think about cutting back.
Dance is truly a wonderful sport that teaches balance, technique, dedication, strength, teamwork, and confidence. Be thankful your child chose this beautiful art form and support them throughout all their efforts and performances.
Margie de Quesada is a former teacher turned family travel blogger. She writes about the places her family visits around the USA and has a bucket list goal to visit all 50 states before her kids graduate high school. You can read Margie’s travel blog at www.dqtravel.net.
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