Helping Kids Navigate Back-to-School Anxiety

We live in anxious times. One of the top books of the year is The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. After facing anxiety as an adult, I’ll be the first to admit that I am very glad that I did not grow up with smartphones and social media.

Nefertari Rossell, MA, LMFT, Founder and CEO of Heart and Mind Child and Family Therapy Services, has provided therapy for children with anxiety and a variety of other mental health conditions for 16 years. She also works with religious families. “Children may feel anxious about returning to school for fear they will not be able to conquer the challenges and responsibilities that come with a higher grade level,” she explains. “More than anything, providing space for conversation and understanding about the anxiety present can be healing for the child and the parent–child relationship.”

ALL AGES

• Try a drive-by: Visit the new school ahead of time just to scope it out—fear of the unknown can be a big factor—and pair it with a pleasant activity like a stop for ice cream or a visit to the park if you can.
• Rossell emphasizes the importance of deep breathing to manage somatic (physical) symptoms, such as difficulty breathing, stomachaches, headaches, increased bowel movements, or sudden bed wetting. For younger children, she recommends to “offer your child a windmill and have them take deep breaths and blow it four to six times.” 
• Brainstorm fun things for your student to look forward to at school.
• “For families of faith, prayer can often be identified as an act of both action and surrender. During prayer, it is important to allow space for your child to pray about things that matter to them. Even in their perceived limitations and innocence, children will identify areas of concern. Provide space for the identification of the worry along with a place to leave it without judgment,” Rossell says.
• Let them pick out their outfit, prepare their shoes, or fill their backpack for back-to-school: Channel the jitters in a positive direction and give your child agency.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

• Read a book about starting school together and talk about any feelings that this may bring up for your child.
• “Offer your little one a way to externalize what they are feeling physically through dance. Two weeks before school starts, incorporating a dance party as part of the nighttime routine will provide your child with one-on-one time with parents or it can be a family affair. You can choose the same going back-to-school song to play every night or you can have your little one choose the song. Either way, incorporating a positive alongside a challenge will often help a child cope and move forward,” recommends Rossell.

MIDDLE SCHOOL OR HIGH SCHOOL

• Talk to your kid about what is making them feel nervous and acknowledge their feelings, then brainstorm strategies to help them feel better together.
• Encourage your student to make an in-person plan with friends to reconnect after summer before the first day of school. 
• Try reflection or structured relaxation through the Calm app.
• Consider encouraging your student to join a club, sports team, or church group: It can be easier to connect with others over a shared interest.
• Prioritize sleep and consider yoga or a high-quality magnesium supplement if your doctor supports it.
• Set time limits on social media or phone usage or consider encouraging a break.