Council of Dads was a TV series featuring a father with a significant health issue. He looks to six of his friends to provide mentorship to his children if he should die of his illness. He chooses men who reflect different parts of personality and interests. The show was based on the autobiographical book by Bruce Feiler. After watching some of the episodes, the notion of a dad “council” has lingered with me. Although I have not gathered a particular group of guys, I feel like there is an unofficial “council” providing care for my daughter to whom I want to thank.
I have been thinking about the richness of father figures in her life because my 84-year-old stepfather recently passed away. Since his passing, there has been quite a bit of reminiscing about the person he was and the adventures he brought into my life, and later, into my daughter’s. I have been fortunate to have had other father figures and my father to create a system of support and understanding, and I hope to build the same for my daughter. Research is pretty consistent that children fare better when they recognize an adult network of support in their lives.
I want to start by thanking the male teachers my daughter has had. Male teachers are far rarer than female teachers in schools and provide one aspect of being a father figure. They create rich learning opportunities, have patience, and direct attention to her for her betterment. In schools, kids see men, who are not their fathers, in caring and nurturing roles. The teachers promote the love of learning and open up new ideas to her. Thank you!
I greatly appreciate the male counselors and coaches at the various camps to which my daughter has gone. These guys teach her sports and gymnastics and other skills that I do not have the patience or skills to teach. She has had theater “dads” who greet her arrival with the fanfare of a celebrity, encourage her to learn her part, and ensure that she can do hard things. You all helped her learn how to treat others, challenge herself to master a skill and stay motivated toward a goal. Thank you!
My daughter has a collection of uncles and male cousins who provide silliness, jokes, and the stamina to sit through a Zoom lesson on drawing conducted by an eight-year-old. She also has a great uncle who has tuned into her interests and will send an extravagant gift for no reason. She has “uncles” we have chosen for her who are thrilled to watch her fashion shows and give pointers and those who will engage her in the wonders of nature and the outdoors. The dads of her friends include her in outings and activities, watching out for her safety and enjoyment. You are successful examples of being a dad. Thank you!
We have a group of fatherly neighbors willing to answer her questions, let her pet their dog, or show what project they are working on when she not-so-subtly peers in their garage. We have neighbors who have cheered her on when learning to ride her bike and rollerskate in front of the house, and other neighbors have pointed out in what direction she has wandered when she has gone around the block on an “adventure.” And, we have an elderly neighbor who waves and smiles, reminding her, “it’s a beautiful day,” with the wisdom of a full life.
I also want to thank those dads who are more remote to our lives–the first responders and military service members. I think of all those dads who sacrifice their time and their safety to keep us secure and healthy, and given that Veterans Day is this month, I want to give them thanks. They perform their duty selflessly and on our behalf.
I may not have a council of dads worthy of a TV show, but my daughter is fortunate to have the council of dads she needs. November is the month we think about giving thanks, so it is time to be thankful for all those “other” dads who support your kids.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.