There is so much going on in the world, our country, and our cities. I don’t know about most of you, but I’m finding it exhausting. Sometimes it can be challenging to process it all. It can be even more difficult to know what to say to our children and grandchildren about the world. I hear a lot of wishing for the “good old days” from some people my age and older. Days when things were “simple” and we all knew our roles, when Democrats and Republicans could compromise and there weren’t protests and riots every week (do any of them remember the 60’s?). It’s easy to see those times as “better” than today. Here’s the truth: those days were not “the good old days” for most. Just because we weren’t aware of the hatred and discrimination or it didn’t directly affect us does not mean it didn’t happen. It just means we weren’t paying attention.
I’m a middle-class, middle-aged white female. It took a lot of soul-searching, educating myself, and a lot of listening to people who aren’t like me to realize that, yes, I have lived under the umbrella of white privilege for my entire life. I began to realize that “white privilege” doesn’t mean a person has class privilege (although I had that, also). I realized that I did not have to seek out people who looked like me: I could easily find books and greeting cards with faces like mine. I did not need to shop in specialized stores or online to find greeting cards or dolls with skin color like mine. The dolls I grew up with were blond and blue-eyed like me. I did not have to make an effort to find “flesh-colored” pantyhose, panties, or bandages that matched my skin. My skin color was the default. And that is privilege.
This topic has taken on more urgency now that I have grandchildren. My daughter, who is half Mexican, married a young man who is half Black. So, my grandchildren are mixed race. It’s more important to me than ever to make sure that not only do I make sure I am not sending any racist messages, but that I contribute to making the world better for them. I want them to love themselves and their ethnically diverse family.
Many of you, like me, probably never considered yourselves prejudiced. I would never mistreat someone because of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, or gender identity. I have started to see myself as an ally to marginalized groups. But I have also begun to see the subtle ways that I grew up perpetuating systemic racism. We can’t unravel prejudice and all of the attached issues in a short piece in a parenting magazine. What I want to discuss is this: as parents and grandparents; we have the power to plant a seed. We can set an example for our children and their children. We can begin to educate ourselves and listen to marginalized groups, rather than judging them.
It’s important to remember that pretending not to see color is not the solution to defeating racism. Other cultures are beautiful and colorful and have so much to offer all of us. Why would anyone want to erase that? Acknowledging differences and encouraging exposure to diversity is the best place to start with young kids. Start buying books with ethnically diverse characters and sharing them with your grandkids. Set up a monthly “date” to explore diversity. Go to museums that celebrate those who are different than we are. Try various restaurants that serve cultural food. Make it a game to find toys that are popular in other cultures.
The point is to get a conversation started. And remember they are watching you: pay attention to your statements, attitudes, and actions. Be a part of the solution so that we can leave our grandchildren a much better world.
Tricia Vlasak is a mother, grandparent, and wife. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on Jeep adventures.