Adulting, according to the dictionary is to “behave in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially by accomplishing mundane but necessary tasks.” It’s a word made popular by Millenials and means handling daily tasks like cooking your meals, maintaining the car, and managing your own money. Most people take on these tasks as a normal course of moving from adolescence to adulthood, and yes, parenthood accelerates having to address these necessary tasks. Even though I’m well into adulthood, one task of adulting remained unaddressed for me: making a will.
Some of you may think that making a will is somehow morbid – thinking about what will happen when you die or an advanced directive of what wishes you have if you become medically incapacitated. It isn’t. Making these plans is not only an adult thing to do, but it is also an aspect of caring for your children that can avoid a lot of turmoil when stress is high. As a dad, I currently am the primary earner and have our benefits through my work, which means my death would have a significant impact on how my wife and daughter could afford to stay in the area.
My wife and I didn’t jump on our planning right away upon having a child (we should have). At a Mommy & Me class my wife attended, they had an estate lawyer talk to the parents about estate planning, wills, advanced directives, etc., targeted towards young children’s parents. My wife came home a bit freaked about the necessity of these plans and documents. We both dragged our feet, and nearly six years later, got motivated to finish the initial estate plan just before COVID-19. I say initial because you are supposed to re-visit the plan every five years or so and if there are any significant life changes.
The process we underwent was thorough. We went through every account, credit card, retirement benefit, and social security statement. We made sure that each one had the other listed as a beneficiary and our daughter, as a secondary beneficiary, if allowed. This process allowed us the peace of mind that if something happens to the other, the remaining person could access the money and benefits as needed. We also had conversations with the relatives who would care for our daughter if something happened to both of us. We even had a good discussion of what happens with our stuff if something happens to all three of us (and made arrangements for the dog). We also had a conversation with our daughter to let her know who would care for her in the remote, far away possibility of something happening to both of us.
Given the current pandemic, my wife and I talked about how our estate planning was a relief. We had seen friends on social media have loved one get ill or lose a spouse or parent. Neither of us is in high-risk groups and are non-essential workers, so we don’t have immediate concerns about falling ill (but always wear our masks and social distance in public). Nonetheless, the randomness of the coronavirus worries me.
According to a 2020 Caring.com/ YouGov study of 2,500 35 to 54-year-olds, only 27.2% have a will. Also, for those earning $40,000 to $80,000 and lower, there is an even smaller chance of having estate planning documents. Some people may think that because they don’t have a house or earn a lot of money that they don’t need these documents in place. However, with dramatic changes in income or health, these documents can be vital in keeping the household running and reducing the impact on the children.
With more people staying home due to the coronavirus, it is the perfect time to audit bank accounts, retirement accounts, titles on cars, and any other assets to ensure the beneficiaries are correctly noted. You can even find an Advanced Directive form online that can help document your wishes, at a minimum. I’m pretty confident that estate lawyers are willing to meet remotely.
As a dad, I want to ensure I’ve taken care of my family. To properly take care of them, it means that if something happens, I want to provide the means to support their lives going on without me. So, if you’re going to continue “adulting,” now is the time to have the conversations, make the decisions, and do those tasks to ensure providing for your family, just in case.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school aged daughter and reside in Marina.