The Anxious Family

“Can I be done?” She asked in frustration.

“Not yet,” I said over my coffee. “You have ten minutes left.”

“I hate this! I am stupid!” She shoves the laptop away and sinks under the table to let out a scream, followed by sounds of hyperventilating.

I am sure this sounds familiar. In households across the world, parents are dealing with schooling from home and other changes as a result of the pandemic. Our children have had to leave their friends at school and adjust to learning from home. They’ve had to stop visiting grandparents. It is only natural that some of these little minds would have very big feelings including depression and anxiety.

In my home, we’ve battled anxiety for six years as the result of a cancer diagnosis. We were in quarantine long before the pandemic began. As a result, we’ve developed some coping strategies than might be helpful for other parents.

  1. Stay Active. Exercise releases endorphins–one of the “happy hormones” that give you feelings of positivity and peace. Keep it practical, go for a nature walk together, put on a yoga or pilates class on the TV, ride bikes, or get creative, and set up an obstacle course in your yard. If the weather is permitting, try to get outside, sunlight is beneficial in lifting the spirits! If you are stuck inside with bad weather, try a family workout on Go Noodle.
  2. Refocus. When you or your child feel big feelings of panic, try focusing on something else. Offer a shower or bath, eat something small like a mint, or practice some deep breathing. I have them count the fingers on their hand. Or, have them hold out their non-dominant hand and use their other hand to trace from the tip to their palm. Start with the pinky and move to the forefinger while saying, “From the tip of my finger to the middle of my palm, I can do this! I can be calm!” Counting while breathing is a recognized calming technique, and using the rhyme combines sensory touch with counting and breathing. It is very useful. From a local Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, “Practice it with them, do not tell them what to do. Tell them ‘Daddy is going to do deep breathing’ and then ask them to do it with you. They are more apt to participate if you show them what to do and do it together.”
  3. Put On Music. Music can be very healing and helpful in the redirection. Put on something calm; I like to play Simon and Garfunkel if we have to bring big emotions down. When we need a quick redirection, I put on Pop music, and we dance it out.
  4. Add Some Help. If your child needs a little more help calming down during the day, try adding a weighted lap pillow to school time, sit on a yoga ball instead of a chair, or add a fidget toy to lesson time. If night time is fright time, try a weighted blanket, sound, and light machine, essential oils diffusing, or allow them to fall asleep to an audiobook.
  5. Use Smell and Light. Sometimes something simple like changing your light bulbs can make a huge difference! Get some soft, warm lights in your home so you can turn off brighter lights and replace them with warm and comforting lights. Use natural light as much as you can, open the curtains, and turn off the overhead lights. I also like to light a couple of yummy smelling beeswax candles or diffuse soothing essential oils like lavender, sandalwood, frankincense, and vetiver.
  6. Put It In a Box. Have the child write or draw pictures of what is giving them anxiety. There is no right answer; put anything in the box that speaks to them as a source of anxiety. Once they are finished, seal the box and say a few words about the items being in a box and out of their minds, then put the box away.
  7. When to Get Help. Everyone has anxiety during the pandemic, but it is essential to know when to seek help. From a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist comes this advice, “Look for things that your child has trouble doing now. Can the child no longer do things they used to do like get out of bed, do their chores, or engage with family? If yes, then look at your insurance for therapists that are covered under your plan. You can also call NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness, to find a provider.

There are so many factors that contribute to childhood and parental anxiety but there is both self-help and professional help available. The earlier you intervene, the better the results so don’t wait to try one or more of these suggestions.

For additional information:

  • You can reach the NAMI HelpLine Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org.
  • If you have MediCal, you can call County Mental Health at (831) 784-2150. If you feel overwhelmed about where to start, then start by calling 211.
  • A Little SPOT of Anxiety: A Story about Calming Your Worries. by Diane Amber
  • Go Noodle exercise videos: https://family.gonoodle.com