In a 2020 survey by One Poll, 64 percent of 1000 surveyed Americans chose moving as the most stressful experience in their lives, beating out divorce for the number one spot. Imagine doing that every 2.5 years, as military families do on average. For Claire Traylor, wife of Army Major and Foreign Area Officer Jake Traylor, their last move in 2021 was a big one—from Aberdeen Proving Ground, Maryland, to Monterey. Before that, their family, which includes children Hunter, 13, Scarlett, 13, and Damon, 10, moved four times between North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, and Maryland. Safe to say, Traylor is something of an expert when it comes to the art of moving.
“The most difficult aspect is the added stressors,” she says. “Life does not stop; work is still happening, school is still happening, so now you have the added stressors of organizing and purging your belongings so you don’t end up with a huge mess on the other end.”
The most common stressors noted in the survey were time and cost, which Traylor agrees with. Cost, she notes, you can control, but not always time—the “inability to keep to your timeline” often occurs, so the best way to get ahead is preparation and flexibility (as much as you can afford). That means having backup plans. A military background where you hear the common refrain: “Have a plan A, B, and C, but plan to go with plan D” helps with that.
For cost, the tip is simple: “Be financially prepared. You need to have more money in savings than you think because life happens, and moving is stressful enough without having to worry about finances.”
In their last move, Traylor recalls how the car mechanic blew her engine while trying to fix her timing belt, which totaled her car. Left with no choice, she rushed to find a rental car on Memorial Day weekend large enough to accommodate her needs. That out-of-pocket cost, eventually covered by insurance, was initially hard to swallow.
As if the moving itself isn’t stressful enough, another struggle is often overlooked: acclimation. And much like the grieving process, it isn’t linear.
“The length of time it takes [to acclimate] is different for everyone, but it’s also very dependent on your mindset,” Traylor explains. “If you have a negative mindset, then it will take you longer to adjust. I try to look at each move as an opportunity, which is not easy, and there are many days that I complain and err in the negative. Moving is hard, and doing new things is oftentimes scary. Allowing yourself to feel those feelings is necessary, but you can’t let yourself stay in that space because it can easily swallow you and make it difficult to acclimate.”
Acclimating can be particularly difficult for families who haven’t moved before, and burnout is a common phenomenon that afflicts even the most experienced movers. A strong support system is vital, even “if they don’t understand what you’re going through but are willing to listen.” Having an open ear can help at each of acclimatizing’s five stages: excitement, realization, uncertainty/homesickness, ease, and adjustment.
“During the first stage, everything is new. Eventually, the excitement dies, and realization sets in. Unfamiliar things begin to stand out, and you feel uncertain about things that you seemingly should know but don’t. That leads to homesickness for the place you left, which didn’t seem as hard. Then, hopefully, you will begin to recover. You begin to understand the new place, life calms down, and you’re more at ease. That recovery forms into adjustment where you may love your new life, and even if you still long for a different place, you at least feel comfortable in your new surroundings, which is what’s most important.”
Acclimatizing is a unique experience. There is no right or wrong way—some dive in headfirst; others may wait. Some focus on sorting out their house, while others prefer to explore. For Traylor, “the house can wait.” Her priorities—likely influenced by being a military spouse and knowing each stay is temporary—have always lain with “getting out and experiencing our new surroundings, learning what is great, finding restaurants that we love, meeting our neighbors, and exploring.” In 2021, her family jumped at the chance to revel in the beauty of Monterey.
"One of the first things we did was go to Big Sur. We hiked Point Lobos. We ate downtown and walked in Carmel. We were tourists for the first couple of weeks because we wanted to experience what people thought was the best of Monterey.”
For those who may not be so brave, Traylor recommends leveraging social media. Facebook groups and local pages are beneficial for up-to-date information. She has enjoyed great success in getting answers from people who are happy to talk about where they live and provide personal experiences and opinions.
Another crucial step is “figuring out what helps you relax and find a way to do it, even if you’re without the resources you’re used to having.” Can’t go to the gym? Try a workout video on YouTube. No books to read? Download a reading app. No TV to watch Netflix? But the real key isn’t external—it’s what you tell yourself.
“Be kind and give yourself grace,” Traylor says. “Understand that the situation isn’t permanent and life will balance out. The dangerous part is not being honest with yourself.”
The last key that has helped her in all five family moves? Humor. “It’s essential,” she says. “Being able to laugh at life, and also laugh at your own mistakes, helps keep you sane.”
And with their next adventure rapidly approaching, she will need a lot of humor for the furthest destination yet: Garmisch, Germany. Luckily, she has three kids and a husband who is more than willing to help. After all, isn’t that what family is for?
Lisa Wong is a freelance writer, editor, and in-house editor. She has a background in journalism before transitioning to book publishing.