By the time your child reaches their teen years, you’ve most likely planned and hosted multiple birthday parties for them. But a milestone celebration like a quinceañera, bar/bat mitzvah, or confirmation is on an entirely different level. It’s most likely going to be the largest–and most expensive–party to date. Figuring out the best way to attack a large celebration is an intimidating prospect for anyone.
If you have a milestone celebration on your 2023 calendar, here are some general tips for getting a good start on the planning process.
1. Who Are You Celebrating? With any special occasion, it’s easy to go too far. The challenges of adolescence can make it tricky to plan an event that is a good fit for everyone. But in the case of a milestone, it’s especially easy to let the light of parental pride turn into a heat lamp.
As you begin planning your event, it’s worth reminding yourself that it will probably be a bit stressful for all parties. Some kids enjoy being the center of attention, while others prefer to melt into the background of every event. Approach things accordingly. Depending on the nature of the celebration, involve your child in as much planning as possible. Having an element of control is comforting. Plus, most milestone ceremonies refer to increased growth and responsibility, right? So, make them responsible by including them in planning.
Keep in mind that it’s a celebration. While certain cultural traditions call for certain scenarios, a celebration that turns into a chore isn’t bound to be much fun.
2. Start & Stick to a Budget. Establishing a firm, realistic budget is the first step to any event. No one builds a house by starting with window curtains and lampshades. Everyone’s budget is different, but the point of the process should be to narrow down the most important aspects of the celebration and lay out the rest of the event plan. Knowing you have X dollars to spend will drive the decision-making.
The important thing is to decide on—and hold firm to—the amount of money you are willing to spend. For example, if you want to invite a lot of people but don’t have unlimited resources, you may consider having the party at a public park instead of renting a venue. This will streamline the rest of the decision-making.
3. Generate a Guest List–with your child. This is an area that many parents want to hold onto with an iron fist for fear of insulting a distant relative or business associate. While etiquette and family are something to be considered, equal attention should be given to the people that your child wants to have present. Remember, if the celebration is about your child, choosing people who have been significant in their lives is important. That doesn’t mean you need to invite the entire soccer team, but it also doesn’t mean you should invite Vinnie from your cousin’s first marriage.
Depending on the event and level of tradition, the question of family-only vs. friends can take time to navigate. Many families tend to make milestone celebrations restricted to blood relatives only, hoping to avoid the issue of junior spending all their time with their friends. That point is valid. But the question remains: if the goal is to celebrate coming-of-age and responsibility, it’s worth considering including the people who are peers, not just elders.
4. Neutral Colors. In researching this article, this is one of the few tips I heard from multiple sources. Attention-grabbing decoration schemes usually end up grabbing said attention for all the wrong reasons. Simply put, they often don’t work. The best advice event planners gave me was this: leave extensive decorating to the professionals.
If you want to include more elaborate flowers, table centerpieces, etc., a good rule is to take what seems appealing color-wise and then reduce the saturation by a few shades. Understated tones keep background decorations where they should be: in the background.
5. To Theme or Not to Theme. Themes have popped up in more traditional celebrations to make them more modern. Of course, themes are common in casual ceremonies, such as annual birthdays and weddings. Applying these concepts to milestone celebrations can work but are usually best done in the same understated manner as color. Discretion is often the better part of valor.
6. Consider Help. There’s a reason event planning is a thriving career: it’s not easy. If you have the means, consider hiring a partial or complete event planner to help you navigate some of the trickier aspects of the endeavor, such as venue selection, food, and other sticky details. Yes, it will cost more. But so will last-minute changes when you realize you underestimated the size of the buffet.
While there is something to be said about having too many cooks in the kitchen, different perspectives can help with keeping your focus on the right track. In the excitement of a celebration, it’s easy to get carried away trying to make everything perfect. It won’t be. But it will be fun! And that’s the point, isn’t it?
Originally from New England, Matt Desenberg is a writer living in Monterey.