We are starting another school year with a pandemic still a part of our daily life. In addition to the fears that can stir up, parents and children alike routinely deal with all sorts of stressors.
While we don’t have control over outside forces like the pandemic, we can prepare for changes that knock us off balance. Taking time to bolster your mental health and coping skills before flexibility is needed is a great strategy for parents. You’ll feel better prepared to handle big changes and have go-to solutions when smaller stress strikes. Plus, you’ll be showing your children an example of how they too can deal with life’s stresses.
The ideal place to start is with your own well-being. Once you’re on sure footing, you can move on to helping kids learn the same techniques.
“First, put your mask on before you put your kids’ on, just like on an airplane,” says Justin Mohatt, M.D., Board Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Medical Director for Innovation at Ohana, Montage Health, in Monterey.
CONSIDER MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, OR YOGA PRACTICE
Deep breaths from the belly are known scientifically to calm the nervous system, and yoga invites a release of tension in the body and a transformation of thoughts and feelings. The practice of meditation, which I learned at a Zen Center I regularly attended while in college, changed my life significantly. This inspired me to take mindful breathing and yoga into the classroom when I became a teacher in 2002.
The benefits of meditation are well documented and it can be practiced regardless of religious or spiritual beliefs. You can start simply with just sitting quietly for a few minutes, concentrating on your breath as it moves in and out of your body. There are many excellent books on meditation and various methods of practicing but you truly can keep it as simple as a few minutes of attention and reap rewards. Adding a mindful moving practice like yoga is a great next step. You can find yoga videos online or attend one of the many yoga studios in the area. A few minutes of meditation and a few yoga stretches will start your day off on the right path.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN BASIC MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES
When my two teens were toddlers, we practiced “belly breathing” to calm their nervous systems. We did this together often, and as “time in” (vs. “time out”) in the midst of a meltdown or when I sensed one arising. I also introduced them to my “Mindful Minute” routine by tapping on a Tibetan singing bowl a dear friend gifted me many years before.
My kids learned that when they heard three, slow taps on the bowl, I wanted them to freeze and focus on their breath; when they heard one tap, our Mindful Minute was ending. This worked well for us then, and my kids loved ringing the bowl themselves to see if I would freeze and breathe. I welcomed those rings and relished in the joy and peacefulness I could see in their expressions. This told me it was working—that I had succeeded in providing my kids with a time-tested tool for coping with strong emotions during difficult times.
STRESS VS. ANXIETY: WHEN TO GET HELP
Stress is a person’s response to an external trigger, such as an exam, that includes physiological and emotional reactions and is time-limited, in theory, according to Dr. Mohatt. When the provoking event is over, the stress should go away. However, he says that prolonged stress, such as that associated with the COVID-19 pandemic, also exists. Anxiety, on the other hand, can be more persistent, doesn’t always relate to identifiable events, and the excessive worries don’t go away when the stressor is absent.
“Some anxiety is just a normal part of life and helps us protect ourselves. However, when the anxiety does not relate to an identifiable trigger, is out of proportion, persists, or causes functional impairment, then it can be a problem that needs to be addressed. We become particularly concerned when a young person’s anxiety interferes with their ability to meet or stay on track with expected developmental tasks for their age.”
Take the time to notice how your child is feeling each day. Know that there are overlaps in the signs and symptoms. Both stress and anxiety can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, sweating, and fatigue. Mental symptoms can include difficulty concentrating and sleeping. Irritability and changes in appetite also indicate your child may be feeling stressed or anxious. In addition, a child who is experiencing anxiety may avoid people, places, or activities they used to enjoy.
Dr. Mohatt says you can differentiate between stress and anxiety typically by how long they last. If your child is experiencing stress or anxiety that lasts beyond what seems like a reasonable amount of time—or their symptoms are beginning to interfere in their daily activities—he recommends seeking help. Start with your pediatrician, he says, as they are able to quickly screen for concerns and make recommendations, and they may be able to help—or they may make a referral for mental health services.
Simple techniques that include planning ahead for stressful situations and preparing the mind and body with meditation and yoga can make all the difference in dealing with life’s difficult events. In addition to making your days more peaceful and happier, you’ll be giving yourself and your children the gift of strengthened resilience.
WENDY J. ROSENTHAL is a writer and credentialed educator certified in Youth Mental Health First Aid. She’s also the parent of two teen boys. She and her children reside in Salinas.