Although most studies cite 2019 as the year divorces hit a 50-year low of 7.6%, COVID seems to have had a devastating effect on marriage. By the end of 2020, the divorce rate was 24%. By 2021, it had risen to a whopping 34%. Many experts believe 2022 will see that number rise even higher.
According to experts, the lockdown changed things. Social behavior changed. Household demands changed. Schooling and childcare changed.
Everything changed. According to experts, at first, many people thought the lockdown was a nice break from their busy lives. People enjoyed more time with their families and could take a step back and reflect on the things that truly mattered. They used the “freeze frame” of the pandemic as a push-off point for moving forward. However, for many, the lockdown exacerbated imbalanced contributions between partners. Homeschooling, chores, finances–it was a lot to deal with. The added strain to already struggling relationships and the lack of professional help due to closures was the proverbial straw that … you know the rest.
People with young children weren’t the only couples who felt the pain of the pandemic. According to the Pew Research Center, the divorce rate for people over 50 has doubled since 1990. There is even a name for it: gray divorce. There has been a sharp rise in “gray divorce” since 2019, and researchers predict that the rate will triple by 2030. There are many reasons for this increase, most of them due to increased life expectancy, a change in divorce stigma, and less willingness to remain in an unhappy marriage.
COVID brought some of that unhappiness into sharp focus when Grandma and Grandpa started spending more time together. Avani Ramnani, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst with Francis Financial, says, “The unexpected in-home isolation puts a sharper focus on issues in the marriage that may have otherwise been overlooked. Loss of income, [loss of] employment, and [loss of] separate routines that allowed healthy time away from each other have produced a perfect storm. With these additional pressures, some marriages are wilting under the added stress.” Further, more women initiate divorce because “These women have had it with their spouses and are ready to get away from all of the tension and fighting.”
I am one of those women who filed for divorce after two years of the pandemic. I am keenly aware of the effect this may have on my grandchildren. Although technically a “step” grandfather, my husband has been the only grandpa my grandkids have ever known. Their other grandfather died long before they were born. So I have been reading a lot about helping the grandkids cope with Grandpa moving out and the possibility they will see him less often. I have learned a few things to help us move forward after our “gray divorce.”
While the grandchildren’s age will affect how they accept and cope with their grandparents’ divorce, most kids feel a sense of loss. Grandparents typically provide a stable, safe relationship for kids. When grandparents split, kids can feel shaken and insecure. The grandparents’ divorce can negatively affect three generations: the grandparents, their children, and their grandchildren. Many studies have shown that grandparental divorce can have a negative impact on how grandchildren view marriage and the sustainability of relationships.
But children are resilient humans. Speaking with them honestly and without malice or anger toward either grandparent, is always the best policy. Move forward with happiness and health as your goal!
TRICIA VLASAK is a mother and grandparent. She works in law enforcement when she isn’t writing about parenting, hiking with her dogs, or going on adventures. Tricia received a Silver Award for feature writing from Parenting Media Association in 2021.