Research supports the idea that a ritual and being together as a family increase individual enjoyment and cohesion. Even for teens, family rituals are related to greater social connectedness and alleviating depression. Altogether, these rituals are beneficial.
Here are some of our family’s December rituals.
December brings the joy of Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s Eve. All holidays involve rituals–actions, activities, and foods– that help to define and commemorate the holiday. Rituals, according to researchers, are beneficial for families and give children a sense of belonging and identity that enhances their development. Rituals help to define who you are as a family and help give children a sense of who they are.
Research supports the idea that rituals and time together as a family increase individual enjoyment and cohesion. Even for teens, family rituals are related to greater social connectedness and alleviating depression. Altogether, these rituals are beneficial.
Staying up for midnight mass on Christmas Eve has religious significance but is also important for the family in conveying values. Playing dreidel can give kids a sense of continuity. Giving children long noodles to eat on New Year’s Day for a long life instills cultural values.
When visiting my mother-in-law, on Christmas morning, we eat crepes. This ritual began when my mother-in-law received the gift of a crepe pan and decided to break it in. Since then, finding a good crepe recipe, making the crepes, and filling them with assorted jellies, curds, fruit, hazelnut spread, and peanut butter has become part of the activities that set this day apart from ordinary days. For my daughter, who doesn’t often have crepes and certainly not with the wide range of choices that only a grandmother can provide, crepes for brunch becomes part of the overall experience of holiday togetherness.
With so many calls for support during the holiday season, my daughter often wants us to donate to various causes. My wife and I talk with her about charities and regularly allow her to pledge some of her money (with additions from her parents) to a charitable cause. At some point over the coming weeks, we will sit down before dinner and talk about the charities we want to support. This brief ritual lets her reflect on how fortunate we are to have what we have and the value of helping those who are less fortunate. We want to teach her that investing in others is a life-long practice.
Our family has started a tradition of taking a walk on the beach on New Year’s Day (and taking the requisite photo for our midwest and east coast friends). The walk helps us appreciate nature and living on the Monterey Peninsula. During the walk, we talk about the events of the previous year and our hopes and plans for the upcoming year.
I know it can be stressful preparing and traveling or hosting visitors for the holidays. But, behind it all, when you are running out to get last-minute applesauce for the latkes or are dragging your kids around to find black-eyed peas to eat on New Year’s Day, you are giving your kids the strength to be out in the world with a strong foundation of family.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE, is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay, and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.