The experts at Triple P offer advice on communicating with our children during uncertain times.
1. What are some age-appropriate ways to discuss traumatic events with children?
Common Sense Media offers the following guidelines:
For children ages 2–7
Young kids aren’t yet fully able to understand complex situations. Kids at the younger end of this group still can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality. If you can, try to turn off the news when young kids are around. Of course, they may still hear about scary news from their siblings or friends -- or overhear an adult talking about it. If they do, let them know that they and their family are safe, and use these questions to support them:
- What did you watch/hear about what happened? (Ask follow-up questions without adding unnecessary information.)
- How did that make you feel?
- What would make you feel better?
For children age 8–12
Older kids can have various reactions to what they see on the news and platforms where they spend lots of time, such as TikTok. Some are more sensitive than others to news of violence. Think about how they’ve reacted in the past, and use these guiding questions to learn more about what questions they have and how they’re feeling:
- What did you watch/hear about what happened? (Ask follow-up questions, clarify misconceptions, and give them additional perspectives).
- How do you feel? How do you think your friends and other people in your family feel, including people from different backgrounds and races?
- For more mature kids: What differences do you see in the way the media is talking about the situation compared to the Black Lives Matter protests? Do they use different words to refer to this event and the people involved?
- What do you think about the lawmakers who came back and completed the job of certifying the election? What do their actions communicate?
For teens
Teens often feel passionately and have strong opinions about events in the news. Give them space to express how they feel without judgment. Since most teens get their news from social media, ask questions to help them think critically about what they’re seeing and reading. Help them consider various perspectives and connect the dots with what they’ve learned in school. Older kids might be worried about the state of the country, events in their own town, or what might happen next -- especially since the news seems to deliver new developments every 30 seconds. Use these guiding questions to start the conversation:
- What are you seeing on social media or the news about the events in the Capitol? How do you feel about what you see? Whose perspective is being featured? Whose voices are missing?
- Which words are journalists or social media influencers using to talk about the situation or the people involved? Do you think they would use different words if the rioters were Black, Latinx, or Muslim?
- How was the police response and the news coverage different from the Black Lives Matter protests?
- Is this moment comparable to any other in U.S. history? (Use reliable sources to learn about past events. If your family has recently immigrated to the U.S., ask whether it compares with anything that’s happened in your country of origin.)
- How can society prevent violent attacks on democratic institutions? What specific actions can you take to have a positive impact on the future?
2. What signs of anxiety or stress should you watch for and what to do if you see signs that your child isn’t coping well.
- Sudden changes in behaviors (outbursts, withdrawal), eating, sleeping, difficulty concentrating, etc. that don’t seem to have another explanation.
- Expressing or showing fears about things that weren’t concerns before (fear of being away from parent, being alone).
- Reverting to behaviors that kids had outgrown (e.g. sucking thumb, wetting bed, baby talk, whining, etc).
- Re-enacting violence, things they’re seeing/hearing on TV or that adults are saying – that’s often their way of processing and trying make sense of their emotions about what they’ve seen, heard, or experienced.
3. What are some do at home suggestions for helping children cope with anxiety and fear?
Several Triple P – Positive Parenting Program strategies are helpful
- Quality Time – give undivided attention when child needs it, can be brief as long as it’s frequent
- Positive attention and affection – reassuring kids you’re there for them, you’re available when they need you, you notice and see them – will also help you pick up on signs of anxiety or stress sooner vs later
- Have other engaging activities available – something to do other than social media or video games; activities like art, music, reading books, and engaging in imaginary play can also be healthy outlets for emotions
- Be ready to listen and talk if they want to. Ask open-ended, age-appropriate questions, and follow their cues about whether and how much they want to talk – i.e. don’t force them to talk or express emotions if they’re not ready.
- Acknowledge their feelings and validate them – “It’s ok to feel that way. A lot of people probably feel the same way.” Ask them to
- Teach them (and practice using) mindfulness and relaxation strategies – like deep breathing, drawing/art, listening to calming music, using coping statements (I’m safe, I’ll be ok, There are lots of good, kind, helpful people in the world), go outside, take a drink of water.
Triple P has a guide for Parenting in Uncertain Times: https://www.triplep-parenting.com/us/hot-parenting-topics/my-child/parenting-during-covid-19/