Long sleepless nights, diapers, potty-training, and baby-talk—it’s enough to make any mother of a baby or toddler crave adult interaction and conversation. Throw in an ongoing pandemic, and moms of littles everywhere are feeling lonelier than ever and yearning for connection outside the home. Luckily, Monterey County is a family-friendly area with resources to help moms (and little ones) make new friends and socialize.
Local mom Mariah Klair of Pacific Grove has found friendship and connection through multiple channels. Her kids are ages 12, three years old, and two months old. Swimming lessons, storytime at the library, and park trips have been the easiest way to meet other moms and socialize her youngest children. Even posting items on the local PG for sale group on Facebook has led to connections with other women in the area. When asked what advice she would give local parents who feel isolated or like the task of making other mom friends is difficult, Klair said, “Go to your local park and make connections there. There are many other mothers who are feeling the same insecurities and looking for simple chatter with an adult like yourself. I have been going to one park twice a week, and I always end up chatting away for hours with new friends, old friends–and my son does the same with kids his own age.”
A local organization, Parents’ Place in Pacific Grove, is an option for more structured meetings where moms and their children can take classes together. Mollie Collyer, of Pacific Grove, enjoyed taking her kids there pre-pandemic and shared, “They have age-related classes for infants to three years. It’s a great place for support and a place for your child to socialize with other children of the same age and gain lifelong friends.” Also local to PG is Annique Anderson, who had her first child six weeks ago—and she is another fan of Parents’ Place. “I signed up for a mommy and me class when my son was 3 weeks old, and we still go every week. It’s nice to meet people going through the same challenges as you are and be able to discuss them and get through them together, so you don’t feel alone,” said Anderson. (Sidenote: there is a cost involved for classes at Parents’ Place).
Now that some restrictions have lifted, Collyer has started taking her three-year-old daughter to activities such as ballet and gymnastics, where they have both made friends. She also cites pre-school pick-up for her five-year-old son as a great place to make mom friends. One of the benefits of technology, as Collyer said, is the ability to meet parents online, too. “I’ve seen people move into this area and post on Facebook they’re looking for another mom to meet up for play dates or a walk. Something I’ve heard about but haven’t used is an app called Peanut. It’s like a dating app to meet other parents. We’re lucky to live in an area that is so family friendly!”
Sometimes budget constraints can make it difficult to participate in classes such as the Parents’ Place’s offerings. Local Monterey mom of two, Emily Furner, has ideas of how to get involved with free meetups. “The best ways I have found to make friends are through my church (my church has an hour of children’s classes every Sunday) and library story time. It (story time) is free and normally well attended in both Monterey and PG. After you go a couple times and see the same faces a few weeks in a row, it is easy to say hi to them and try to do introductions,” Furner said. Worth noting, too, is the unique challenge of making friends in a military community. Furner explained, “About 90% of my friends I have made here are military. But the problem with military friends is that they inevitably leave, meaning that you have to start the making friends process all over again. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my military friends and still have stayed in contact with some that have moved. But the constant goodbyes are hard.” Plus, living in an area where so many vacation can mean meeting people who are just passing through. Furner said that sometimes she ends up giving restaurant recommendations to visitors more than she truly connects with other moms at the park.
It also bears mentioning that a huge obstacle to making friends when you have a baby is postpartum issues such as depression and anxiety. Anderson signed herself up for PPD classes at the “Beth El” Temple in Salinas through the Parenting Connection, which is another resource for mothers of infants and toddlers. Their focus is on supporting parents through postpartum challenges.
Making friends as an adult really is hard to do, pandemic or not. And it can be doubly challenging in the early days when sleep is elusive and children need your attention constantly. When asked what her best advice for new moms is, Anderson said, “Try not to overwhelm yourself but do try to find at least one group that you can join to meet other mothers. It can be very challenging at first with having the new baby and trying to sleep and feed and manage your emotions. But to me, having somewhere to go each week and something to look forward to was super helpful for me in my recovery from PPD. I really look forward to my class every week because it helps me feel less isolated and alone.”
Furner added that it’s important to care for yourself and not to get discouraged too quickly. “It is easy to be discouraged when you are a mom and sleep-deprived and have five thousand other things to worry about besides trying to make time for mom friends when you can’t even find time for yourself. Go to library storytime. And remember the best things take time to develop (and that includes friendships).”
Nadia Morgan is an East Coast native who now feels truly at home on the West Coast. She has a degree in writing. A military wife of 20 years, Nadia is Editorial Assistant for Monterey Bay Parent Magazine. You can reach her by email at editorial@montereybayparent.com