Late last summer, we decided to send our daughter to sleepaway camp. It was a decision that we made with some trepidation. Covid had put a damper on sleepovers at friends’ houses, which can serve for practice being away from home. But, we really thought that she was ready for the camp’s shortest session of ten days. My wife and I were impressed with the camp’s strict health protocols of requiring a PCR Covid test within a few days before beginning, a rapid test upon arrival, mask-wearing, testing every three days, and minimal mixing across groups. In looking at the camp’s program, we also saw the potential for concentrated time for fun after more than a year of limitations and restrictions. The camp was not cheap, but with a scholarship and support from our local congregation’s campership funds, we felt we could give her an experience that would be good for her after a tough year of being deprived of activities during the pandemic.
Before she left, we had prepared her by showing her videos of the camp and the kinds of activities that she would do. She looked at the images of cabins where she would stay. We reminded her that in any emergency, we could be there in a couple of hours and her grandmother could also be there if we could not. To avoid homesickness, my wife and I followed the advice of camp experts by not saying, “We can come get you, if you miss us.” We did emphasize that we would miss her, but that it was only ten days.
As her dad, I planned to mail letters at regular intervals. I remember my one sleepaway camp experience, the excitement of having your name called for mail, and wanted to re-create that experience for her. First, I wrote her a letter from our dog with his perspective of not having her in the house. Because he is a dog, his spelling was not good, and he referred to my daughter as Loud One, since that is how we have said we think he perceives her. Second, I mailed her a letter on a large, round piece of paper, starting the letter on the edge and moving the words around the circle in a spiral. I thought she would find it amusing to have to keep turning the letter to read what I had written. Towards the end, I wrote her a typical letter, telling her about what we were doing at home in a boring way (to keep her from feeling left out) and reminding her to try something new, talk to someone new, and eat something new. I coordinated my letters with my wife so that our daughter would receive something from one of us regularly. From her reports, she now wants to live at camp.
She thrived there. Her first letter to us said that she made a friend “in five seconds.” The camp provided a portal where they posted pictures of the kids engaging in activities. I scoured the photos to see what the signs of her experience were. I could see her silly jumps into the pool with friends. Her tentative smile high up on a ropes course was there. One image showed her arm-in-arm with a new friend. Another photo had her hair sticking to her dirty, sweaty forehead in a late afternoon of activity. The signs of her growth and transformation were there.
I really admire my daughter for going with an open mind and immersing herself in the experience. I know that, when I was an almost 8-year-old like she was, I would not have been brave enough to do what she had. But, I like to think that this is part of parenthood–making kids into better versions of who you are.
For me, it was also odd to have her gone for ten days. In addition to just being quiet around the house, there were no time pressures to get her up and ready, to transport and pick up, or to complete a meal in a timely fashion. Some might celebrate such a lack of obligation, but I have to admit it threw my own rhythm off. I found I missed her in a way that I had not experienced before because she had gone away, and I remained at home. The experience left me more appreciative of what she has brought into my life.
This year, she is going back for longer (two weeks). She is already practicing her group’s cheer and singing the songs that she learned to be ready for the new session. I too am readying myself for her absence. I know that she will be having growth experiences and doing things independently from my wife and me. And really, I think this is the point of camp…to learn new skills and grow as a person.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school-aged daughter and reside in Marina.