Once a child receives a diagnosis of a disability, medical and therapy appointments and supportive services are often the next steps in managing their needs and support. This can be especially challenging with multiple children while managing their schedules, activities, and individual needs. All families with multiple children have certain activities they do, whether it be sports, creative arts, or community service programs; children with disabilities are no different and do not need to be made to feel different because of special needs and support. Their activities can be normalized as after-school activities the same way as their siblings’ while at the same time teaching lessons on empathy, support, patience, and compassion.
INCORPORATING SIBLINGS TO MODEL BEHAVIORS
Growing up with a younger brother with autism, Shelby Durfee was an integral part of his sessions with his behavioral therapist. Shelby modeled behaviors, such as two-step prompts, to help teach her brother. Being a part of JR’s lessons taught her patience and empathy and about the role of caring for others within her own family and her community. This foundation led her to a career in which she became the Director of State Services at Hope Group in Phoenix, Arizona. Her parents founded the organization, which has supported hundreds of families, children, and adults, as well as provided various services to those diagnosed with developmental disabilities, including individuals with autism. Having a brother with autism was instrumental in building Shelby’s character and career path. “I always try to teach and improve the quality of life for people with autism,” Shelby explains, “but truly my life is better and has been transformed being a part of their world.”
NORMALIZE THAT SIBLINGS HAVE DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES AND INTERESTS
Children’s therapy appointments (such as occupational, speech, and physical therapy) should not be made to feel different than their siblings’ after-school activities in sports and community activities. Their siblings learn from their parents’ and caregivers’ examples, so normalizing their appointments helps them feel included and not excluded from other members of their community.
QUALITY TIME WITH SIBLINGS DURING THERAPY APPOINTMENTS
If you drop off your child at their therapy appointment and are not physically involved during the session, make that time a special time with your other child(ren). Examples include going on a nature walk, playing a favorite board game, or indulging in ice cream. If you need to spend the time completing routine errands, spice up the car ride by letting your child choose the music playlist or get their special treat at the grocery store like a Starbucks cake pop or candy bar. Put yourself in your child’s shoes for a moment and recognize that if parents are performing a boring errand, your child may see that as special one-on-one time with you, and that is important to them.
Children love feeling a sense of independence and assisting where they can, so reinforce those feelings while their brother or sister is at a therapy appointment. “I appreciate you listening and helping your siblings and me. You are patient and flexible during these appointments. I am proud of you.”
PARALLEL ACTIVITIES
Swimming and gymnastics are two activities that children of all ages can do simultaneously and are especially advantageous to those who are sensory-seeking. “The water provides proprioceptive input through compression—water has 30 times more deep pressure stimulation than air, and it provides that pressure consistently across the body, which is extremely organizing for the sensory overloaded child. Swimming offers strengthening benefits, promotes cardiovascular endurance, and provides proprioceptive, tactile, vestibular, and auditory experiences . . . and it is a sport that is, without a doubt, fun!” Swimming Tips for Sensory Kids & Reluctant Swimmers—The Inspired Treehouse. Siblings can be in group, individual, or hybrid lessons in the same pool together.
Gymnastics and martial arts are activities that siblings can both be involved in and do at their own pace. These two sports are popular and beneficial for people with ADHD, as they require focused concentration, active listening, and being aware of their body movements.
EVERYONE NEEDS ALONE TIME
Siblings squabble; there is no denying that happens to everyone. When a neurodivergent child is feeling overwhelmed, it can be difficult to process and manage for the sibling. When they do need space from each other, honor that.
One mother of two neurodivergent children shared that having their row in the car helps, and providing them headphones to be able to block out noise from the outside world and listen to music calms them down.
Children build core values and character from the lessons they learn by observing our actions, behavior, and examples. Siblings of children with disabilities can learn patience and inclusion by being involved in their brother and sister’s therapy sessions. These life lessons on patience, inclusion, kindness, and compassion are gathered from the examples we set as parents and caretakers.
SABRINA HILTUNEN’S favorite activity in April is walking and talking with a friend along Pacific Grove’s Magic Purple Carpet in Perkins Park.