Father’s Day is June 19, a day to recognize the contributions of fathers and all they do for families. In many families, this celebration might include a special breakfast or barbeque, some homemade gifts from kids, or time for relaxation and fun. But, being a dad nowadays does not come with a rule book. Many families live farther away from one another, and so there are fewer role models for being a dad and for fathering. Media representation of dads is often of bumbling, inept fathers who know nothing about their kids and are terrified of being seen as unmanly for doing ordinary dad things. Notably, former President Barack Obama once said, “Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”
There are many dads out there who face challenges in raising children, and there are some courageous men out there who especially deserve recognition on this Father’s Day.
DADS OF SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN
Dads of children with special needs deserve extra recognition. Kids with special needs require extra patience, put more demands for caregiving and attention, and require greater sacrifice from parents. Special needs can range from physical disabilities to kids on the autism spectrum to kids who have learning differences. Dads, in these cases, become key players in providing care and ensuring kids are thriving as best they can. Caring for kids with special needs also necessitates better communication between parents to keep the family running. The special needs of the child can become overwhelming, but these dads hold steadfast to their roles as dads, providing a nurturing environment to their kids, despite challenges.
IMMIGRANT FATHERS
Immigrant fathers are often raising children in a culture, and sometimes language, that is vastly different from their own experience. They quickly learn what it is like to raise a child here in the United States and still instill the values and pride in their own cultural backgrounds. Often, they work extra hard and long hours to provide for their families and make a better life for them. For many immigrant fathers, there are many compromises made but they find fulfillment in seeing opportunities for their children. They sacrifice aspects of their lives in order to build futures for their children here.
GAY DADS
Gay dads deserve special recognition. These dads often jump through hoops to become fathers through surrogacy or adoption. They choose to build families and care for children in a society that lacks sufficient acceptance and support for their efforts. They recognize that they have love to give in raising children and have to plan how to do so in ways that other fathers do not. These fathers who work this hard to achieve parenthood deserve recognition.
SINGLE DADS
Single dads who are raising children on their own, in the absence of a partner, merit recognition. It doesn’t matter how they became single dads, just that they stepped up to care for their children. These dads manage caring responsibilities, households, and jobs in a culture that has not made space for single dads. The number of single dads is growing. According to the US Census, in 2020, 20% of single parents were men, up from previous censuses.
DADS WITH SHARED CUSTODY
Similarly, dads who share custody should be recognized for becoming the master schedulers, negotiating time for children with the exes, and providing a home for children as well. These dads are cognizant of their influence and responsibility for their children and are doing their best to put caring for children above the relationship issues with the ex. I have seen dads who explain how rules may differ between the households but remind children how much they are loved in both settings.
DADS BY CHOICE
We should also give extra attention on Father’s Day to dads-by-choice. These fathers are the stepfathers, live-in partners, “uncles,” and grandfathers who come to assert their roles as father figures by caring for children. For some, this role can be nebulous and unfolds over time, and for others, this role can be the bonus gift for being with their romantic partner. These guys can be the missing element from a kid’s life or could be the welcome addition, broadening the amount of social support for a kid in addition to the bio dad. These dads choose to step in this role for the betterment of the child.
Sadly, in our society, fathers can walk away from taking care of their children and their families with relatively few penalties. It is a testament to the character of those who persevere. There are probably other kinds of dads I neglected to mention as well as the everyday dads who do their piece in raising children. Fatherhood today is complex with competing demands and so, on this Father’s Day, take time to recognize and appreciate those dads who step up and demonstrate the courage of their character.
Robert (Rob) S. Weisskirch, MSW, Ph.D., CFLE is a Professor of Human Development at California State University, Monterey Bay and is a Certified Family Life Educator. He and his wife are parents to a chatty, elementary school aged daughter and reside in Marina.