Winter Coat Negotiations

Clouds linger longer, darkness descends sooner, and breaths hang in chilly air. Autumnal weather slides into winter and negotiations begin. Part-business deal, part-parenting comes the annual negotiations over wearing the winter coat and appropriate outerwear for the season. Our coastal kids, growing up where there are few real highs and few real lows in temperature, have little sense of “winter.” To them, it means sweatshirts stay on longer during the day and, maybe, sneakers get muddier with dampness on the field. When temperatures do really dip or the cool winds bluster, I ready myself for the discussions about putting on an appropriate coat or rain jacket. I talk about how cold it is, elicit support from the smart speaker of what the daily weather will be (my automatic response, “Oh, that’s cold”), and pose reminders of the last occasion of being cold and/or wet. The result: A shrug and an “I’ll be okay” from a kid with a sweatshirt tucked into the straps of her backpack.

WHERE TO DONATE SWEATERS, COATS, HOODIES AND OTHER CLOTHING

ALL-IN MONTEREY COUNTY: The Giving Market is located at Marina High School and is currently open Tuesday evenings 4:30-6pm and Friday evenings from 4:30-6pm. allinmonterey.org/donate

COMMUNITY HOMELESS SOLUTIONS: One of Monterey County’s largest providers of homeless transitional housing and emergency shelter beds, including shelter for women and children fleeing domestic violence, CHS accepts gently used clothing items. communityhomelesssolutions.org/donate-items

COUNTY OF MONTEREY FAMILY & CHILDREN’S SERVICES: Donate new or lightly used toys or athletic equipment, children’s furniture or clothing. fcsmc.org/get-involved

NANCY’S PROJECT: Nancy’s Project strives to improve the health and well-being of Monterey County farm worker families by providing food, clothing, household goods and enrichment items. nancysproject.org/give

When kids are really young and winter is here, parents can dress their kids with coats and rain jackets that seem like they will work for our unique weather pattern. Young kids have the capacity to both tolerate the elevated body heat of wearing their winter jacket and hat inside all day as if it were nothing and peel off every layer and footwear, be damp from the moisture, shivering, and declare, “I’m not cold!” As parents, we step in and help our kids realize how to manage these shifts in weather and keep them comfortable enough to focus on the activity in front of them.

Even though I know that being physically cold does not get my daughter sick, I can’t help but worry about the impact of being cold for an extended period of time. The scientific answer is nothing—there is no impact—she is just cold. I know I have to get over the feeling that, if my daughter is underdressed for the weather, somehow I am a bad, neglectful parent. If she were really, really cold, she would complain to the teacher or another adult, and they would lend her a jacket from the lost and found closet, and my shame would be fully on display. She would just have temporary relief from the chill.

Every year, with my daughter’s growth, we seek out new jackets—one warmer winter jacket and one rain jacket. The cheaper, sale-price colors do not suffice, and my wife and I have learned that, after the refusal-of-wearing battle of ‘22, all raincoats must have pockets. To ensure the availability of a coat, should my daughter actually recognize the coldness of the temperature or water droplets falling from the sky, we buy the necessary outwear. The irony is, once we enter those cold, wintery days, my daughter won’t layer her clothing to match the weather and will just wear her coat all day—in the classroom, outside, and in the house—until we plead for its removal and attempt to wash out the accumulated dirt and paint on the sleeves and jacket trim. Previous contract voided. New negotiations are needed.

I have heard similar negotiations from parents of boys, in particular, who relay the tactics they use to get their kids out of shorts and into long pants for the winter. Despite skin cold to the touch, there are cries of “My legs don’t get cold!” I can see the resignation of the boys when they walk to the car in shorts but with a puffy jacket on. Not sure for whom that is a victory but seems like a useful detente.

Perhaps one of the frustrating parts of the negotiated shift to winter gear is the attachment kids form to rain boots or an umbrella. Many kids arrive at school on those cloudless days, winter or not, wearing rain boots, treating them like everyday shoes, just because. Once the child’s designated umbrella comes out, it becomes a cherished object that cannot leave the backpack “in case it rains,” even though there is minimal time during the day without overhead shelter. I don’t know if the umbrella becomes a weapon or a piece of playground equipment outside, but the second phase of negotiations come when it is time to put these winter items away.

 As the new jacket comes out, it is time to pass on the winter wear that is too small. Together with our daughter, we seek out friends’ siblings for the hand-me-down or decide to donate her previous jacket to charity so that other kids can be warm in the winter. This is also the time of year when it can be fun to bundle up, watch holiday parades, enjoy outdoor winter activities like the temporary ice rink, or just take a winter walk on the beach, making good use of everyone’s warm winter jacket.