Coping Strategies for Holiday Meltdowns

Any honest parent will share that among the magic of holiday moments and favorite traditions come dysregulated feelings, big emotions, and exhausted children. December and early January are filled with events that break children out of their normal routine: recitals, parties, traveling, and weeks out of school. Add in holiday sweets and it is no surprise that children become emotionally dysregulated. 

Maegen Pierce, M.A. BCBA, Board Certified Behavior Analyst, with Behavior Concierge says: “The best advice that I can give as a parent and a behavior analyst is to be proactive. Identify what activities can be the most overstimulating for your child during the holidays and make a mental plan for what strategies you can have ready to help your child regulate.” 

In light of Pierce’s advice, here are techniques that parents and caregivers can teach their children for how to cope during these times. These strategies can be done as parent and child together, and eventually, the children can self-soothe independently.

BREATHING

Identifying breathing techniques that are simple and that children can do by themselves is an important coping skill. 

Bear breaths: Use your imagination to be a bear coming out of hibernation. Take a breath in while stretching out your paws and then breathe out with a growl and make bear claws with your hands. 

Box breathing: A simple relaxation technique where one breathes in for four seconds, holds for four seconds, breathes out for four seconds, and holds for four seconds. Repeat.

The A Little Spot of Feelings by Diane Alber box set incorporates finger tapping and breathing into the storylines of their books and visual representations of techniques.

FINGER TAPPING

A 10-year research program at Harvard Medical School found that “tapping helps calm the activity of the amygdala, the part of our brain that manages our nervous system’s response to a threat (real, perceived, or anticipated) while we give voice to the challenging thoughts and emotions that arise. Tapping rewires the brain’s response to the threat—and the thoughts and emotions associated with it—and we experience more calm in our body as the relaxed amygdala sends the signal to the endocrine system to stop producing stress hormones. As the nervous system shifts into the relaxation response, we may experience our breath becoming slower and deeper, our heart rate slowing down, and an easing of troubling thoughts and big emotions.” (Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health)

Finger tapping is a tactile way to recenter and focus on the present where people can physically concentrate, allowing the other emotions and thoughts to be placed in the background. For those who respond well to textures, attaching self-adhesive dots to fingertips can create a different feeling altogether. 

A variety of finger-tapping techniques can occur, from touching each finger to the thumb in different patterns of repetitive sequences (such as pointer finger to thumb—one tap, middle finger to thumb—one tap, etc., or 10 taps with each finger before moving to the next). With a partner, the child can close their eyes and then work with their pointer finger to find the pointer finger of their partner as their partner moves their hands after each tap, a technique that requires major concentration.

5-SENSE METHOD

An effective mindfulness technique is the 5-sense method, which focuses your attention on your senses and redirects from distressing thoughts and feelings.

The person closes their eyes, and while breathing calmly, identifies the following:

• 5 things you see
• 4 things you feel
• 3 things you hear
• 2 things you smell
• 1 thing you taste

DEEP PRESSURE

Just as adults melt into massage tables and feel calm during these spa treatments, applying deep pressure to a child’s hands and forearms while dysregulated can help calm anxiety. 

Asking for consent is imperative (to reinforce the importance of asking for permission and ensure they feel comfortable). Touching and applying pressure if they do not want this while stressed can exacerbate emotional dysregulation.

Applying deep pressure to the hands and forearms stimulates receptors in one’s skin and muscles, particularly in the parasympathetic nervous system. “Your right hand is applying pressure to your polyvagal nerve, which is the ‘trauma’ nerve. This nerve is activated in times of stress and anxiety, and when we feel ‘triggered.’ Pressure helps to soothe the nerve and sends messages to your body and brain that you are safe.” (Nervous System Soothing Exercises by Gwynn Raimondi, MA, LMFTA) 

The exercise of having the child close their eyes while you trace letters (or short words) on the back of their hand while asking them to say back the letters allows the child to focus so fiercely that they need to concentrate. This can also be done on the child’s back, which is a way to relax and soothe in preparation for bedtime.

The holidays can be a mix of hectic days filled with family and community events and slow-paced pj days that roll from one hour to the next. Imagine yourself as your child’s age with the amount of energy and effort it takes to learn your weekday and weekend routine and how unnerving it can be when it is upended. This is how children often feel during the holidays and adding an exhausting go-go-go travel schedule, unexpected events, and loads of holiday sweets can and will dysregulate emotions and big feelings. 

Show empathy and kindness to your child and front load them by explaining what the next day will be like. When children begin to show signs of emotional dysregulation, be prepared and ready with these grounding and mindfulness techniques to help calm their anxiety and regulate their emotions. And if one is lucky enough that there are no meltdowns, it will be a holiday miracle indeed.