Parent-teacher conferences are just around the corner in many area school districts. That means it’s time for a candid conversation regarding your child’s progress and needs. While these meetings are usually only scheduled for elementary school students, and middle school students who are considered at risk academically, that doesn’t mean a meeting of the minds isn’t important for your older children too. This is a great time to strengthen your relationship with your school-aged children and begin to build a strong foundation with their teachers.
1. Scheduling the appointment. Teachers often communicate conference days and appointment times well ahead of schedule. We want every parent and guardian to be able to attend. It’s best to snag a spot as soon as you can. If you have a conflict, reach out to your child’s teacher. Other arrangements can be made to meet—whether that’s before or after school, or virtually. If you need a translator, you’ll want to request one right away. If you can bring someone with you to translate, I highly recommend it. Last-minute changes at the school site can mean that the staff person who was going to assist is no longer available when the time comes.
2. Preparing with your child. If your child hasn’t shared much about school this year, start the conversation during an ordinary time such as when sharing a meal, a walk, or a car ride. Find out what subjects your child enjoys and why. Ask where your child is struggling and what kind of help they feel they need. Many children are quite in tune with their needs. If your child isn’t, most likely you’ll still glean valuable insights from the conversation.
If you know your child is going to feel anxious talking about school or upcoming conferences, take a less direct approach and offer your listening ear. Let them know you’ll be ready to listen when they’re ready to share. In the meantime, try to take a peek at a sampling of their work in writing, reading comprehension, and math. Start early so your child doesn’t feel pressure about the approaching conference. Time also provides the chance to process worrisome thoughts and discomfort about the meeting.
As the date nears, remind your child that conferences are a regular part of the school year and meant to help them be successful, which looks different for each child. Lastly, find out if your child has questions for the teacher and make sure you organize and bring your own questions to the meeting.
3. Don’t forget tweens and teens. Your middle-or high-schooler may not need a teacher conference because of academic or social-emotional concerns, but that doesn’t mean you should skip the conversation. While they might work well independently and earn good grades, there’s a lot more to life at school than this, especially for teens.
Ask your older child whether or not they’re enjoying school, favorite subjects and teachers, and challenges—in the classroom, lunchroom, locker room, and traveling to and from school. Again, approach the topic casually if your child doesn’t naturally share. Be sure to use active listening and let your child know you’ll follow up about any concerns so that together you can determine strategies.
4. Managing conference stress. Some of you may dread this meeting as much as your child does. That’s all the more reason to get prepared—and attend. Chances are great that the teacher has thoughtfully collected and selected work samples and reviewed formal assessments to provide you with a snapshot of your child’s performance to date.
Think of the conference like you would a pediatric wellness visit. It’s a barometer of your child’s growth and overall well-being as demonstrated at school. The teacher will share strengths and challenges, and social and emotional observations, if needed. It’s an important appointment that can be as meaningful to your child as it is to the teacher. After all, their growth and success is a partnership, and your attendance tells your kiddo that you care.
5. Understanding grade-level expectation. The purpose for the conference is to share information and collaborate when needed to provide your child the optimal opportunity for their success. Ask the teacher what students in your child’s grade are expected to learn and be able to do by the end of the school year. It’s important that you understand the roadmap of where your child is and where they need to be. These days, thank goodness, teachers are looking for academic growth over time—not meaningless, magic numbers. By meeting to discuss areas of concern and goals, you can help your child gain the skills and confidence needed to continue making progress.
6. Following through post-conference. Have a conversation with your child about the conference or, in the case of an older child, your communication with the teacher if you reached out on their behalf. Be sure to lead with praise about where your child is on target or excelling, and show compassion and constructive concern for areas in which you hope to see growth.
Ask how you can help. Make a plan for support that suits your child’s needs. Check in periodically and make adjustments as needed. Developing your relationship with your child as well as your child’s teacher shows your interest in and dedication to supporting your child. This can help lessen your child’s stress as you show that the burden of struggles doesn’t have to be faced alone and you’re available to assist with solutions.
Through both words and actions, your child’s educational team should demonstrate their shared commitment to providing all students with equitable access to opportunities for learning, skill and character development, and options for their personal success in a safe, positive, inclusive, and motivating environment. As your child’s parent or guardian, and primary role model, your help in making this happen can be the difference between surviving and thriving this school year.
WENDY J. ROSENTHAL is a writer and credentialed educator certified in Youth Mental Health First Aid. She’s also the parent of two teen boys. She and her children reside in Salinas.