I’ve discovered the joys of grandparenting! I am the grandmother of four beautiful children under the age of seven. I’ve heard grandparents say they wish they could have jumped right in and skipped the parenting part and I understand entirely.
I will be covering all sorts of questions grandparents may have in the months to come in Monterey Bay Parent Magazine’s new grandparenting column: “Grandparents’ Corner.” Here are just a few topics that we’ll be covering over the coming months:
Grandma, Nana, Mimi, Or . . . ?
One of the first things we think about when we hear the news about our grandchild-to-be is: “what do I want to be called?” You can do a little research and find lists of possibilities to see if one strikes your fancy. Pick your name, share it with the child’s parents and start to use it Or, you can wait until the first grandchild chooses your name. In my case, when my first grandson began to talk, he called me “Nama,” so that has remained my (grandparent) name.
Grandparenting Style
Family dynamics are often changed and perhaps challenged with the addition of little ones. Did you know research has suggested there are several styles of grandparenting? One author suggests formal, surrogate parent, fun seeker, resource, distant and safe haven. You can learn more about these at www.sarayogev.com/grandparenting-styles/
Amount of Contact
Have you considered how you want to relate to your children and grandchildren? Do you live close and wish to be part of their daily or weekly lives? Are you interested in being available for occasional or full-time care? If you do provide care while parents are working will you be paid?
Changes in Parenting Norms
Parenting has changed since you had a newborn. Some of the “new” things parents today consider, such as the position the baby sleeps in, car seat choices and laws, what foods (and when) to feed the baby can be very different than when you had a baby. It’s important to educate yourself on changes in baby care and discuss all of the options with the child’s parents.
At some point, everything from guidelines for screen time, the positive discipline vs. punishment issue, and what toys they want their child to have will come up.
Boundaries
Finally, what boundaries are appropriate for us, as grandparents? When should we give our opinion and when should we keep our mouth shut?
To get you started on suggested reading, check out “The Modern Grandparent’s Handbook, The Ultimate Guide to the New Rules of Grandparenting” by Dr. Georgia Witkin.
I offer Grandparenting 101 (birth to pre-school issues) and 102 (the school-age child) at the Monterey Youth Museum. If you have questions, please email me at mamaroot@gmail.com, and I will explore them here with you.
Gail Root, M.A., facilitates Roots and Wings Parent Coaching and from Cradle to College & Guidance for Grandparents. You can get information at www.rootsandwingsparentcoaching.com. Gail is Nama to Quinn, age 6 ½; Spencer, 3 ½ and twins Reece & Kendall, 1 ½.