I was a single, unmarried woman with no children when Debbie came to live with me for 10 months. I was living in Minnesota in a loft/condo at the time. Becoming a host parent all started when I was lamenting to a friend about how I had always wanted to be a mother and how sad I was that I had missed the opportunity. My friend helpfully suggested that I could host an exchange student to have the experience of motherhood. It took me a few months to come around to the idea. After all, I had been visualizing a newborn–not a teenager!
Eventually, I looked into AFS and then called to see if they took single hosts. AFS was very welcoming and they explained that a single host is often an ideal situation. The exchange student gets one-on-one attention. That said, AFS gives the student the opportunity to turn down a single host and wait for a more traditional family. Fortunately, the student I selected, Debbie, was open to the idea of living with me. I’m the age of her biological parents and we have a number of hobbies in common.
One of my nieces is the same age as Debbie and I made sure that my niece was around as much as possible the first few weeks to help put Debbie at ease. To my great surprise, my neighbors thought it was cool that I had taken in a 17-year-old from another country and they were extremely welcoming. Debbie suddenly had a whole building looking out for her well being!
I encouraged Debbie to join as many activities as she could to make friends. Within a few weeks, my living room was often crowded with loud teenagers.
One of the hobbies that Debbie and I share is singing. I was active in a local church choir that was full of mostly professional musicians. I explained to the choir director that I was taking in an exchange student who liked to sing. He welcomed her with open arms and Debbie sang with us all year. My fellow singing companions were older than my teenager but no one seemed to care about the age difference. In turn, I had several “seasoned Moms” who I could turn to when I didn’t know how to handle a situation. Debbie and I found it really fun to have a shared activity and shared friends. By the end of the year, the church choir had turned into valuable support for Debbie and she is still in touch with a lot of the people from that group.
Debbie’s biological parents came from Germany for her high school graduation. I immediately became friends with Debbie’s family and it was a magical week. They encouraged me to visit them over Christmas in Germany and I took full advantage of the opportunity and I was with them all of last December.
Debbie returned to her home country at the end of June 2018. Coincidentally, within a month of her leaving, I was settling into a new job and a new home in California and both of us were adjusting to changes. She had more school in Germany and I had a new life as a California resident.
Being responsible for a teen for a few months, I found great comfort and hope for our world as I interacted with the next generation. I witnessed several young people who are just launching into adulthood and they have so many dreams to make this world a better place. I am in almost daily contact with Debbie and she and her family remain an important part of my life.
by Christi Sutphen